Shit. My life has been falling apart these past few months. Yep, you heard me right. Firstly, my parents are getting a fucking divorce. I have no idea who I'm going with, my holidays are freaking shit--bored and broke. And my dad is being a fucking bastard. Yes. I'm fucked. There are only two things i have to hang on to in my damned life now, good friends and of course, you Nisha(if you're reading at all).
Okay, my parents have always been fighting for as long as i can remember. Lets just say that it is no secret that their love boat sailed and sunk a long long time ago. But i never really thought they would actually go for a damn divorce, sure the idea was thrown about quire a bit but now they've latched on to the idea. Fuck.
My stupid job is been on hold for a while now, i was supposed to have training for the the damn job yesterday but the shitty hotel, Shang Ri La mind you, had some miscommunication problem and failed to tell quite a number of us that training was postponed to next week. This on it's own sucks, i don't get to start work until like a weeks time - one more boring and broke week. And it didn't help that i find out that training was cancelled after i get to the damn hotel in town, all the way from freaking Pasir Ris. My dad refuses to give me money at all too. Fuck.
And yes, my dad is being the ultimate bastard. He is literally putting my brothers above me, what the fuck? Favouritism. My brother gets what ever the hell he wants and doesn't have to ask and merely has to mention it in conversation. I mean, he got my brother, fucking expensive clothes, an iPod, a laptop, a bloody good phone, and now a damned good guitar. All for no good reasons, and i get grounded and my pocket money suspended. My freedom is fucked up and all. My brother on the other hand gets what ever the hell he likes, despite being a complete wastrel, smoking and all. Fuck. My dad won't even pay for my boxing man, what the fucking hell? Asshole. Now I'm stuck at home with no freedom, money or entertainment-xbox is broken too. And my brother gets what ever he wants.
Seems to me that my life like falls apart when it's time for me to be happy and merry after my O'levels. I mean, I'll never again in my entire life be able to enjoy my life like i can now. I have no worries now, or at least I'm not supposed to but hell. I do have more worries.
It'll be exactly one month together babe, come Friday. And i pray to god it's just the beginning of an eternity together. I love you very much darling(if you're reading at all, cos i doubt i gave you the URL to my blog.)
I have many more problems and unfair things to complain about but I'm not gonna bore those of you reading my blog any further. haha.
"I love you and that's all i really know"
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Nisha, I love you.
Ok, it's been a long time since i last blogged. I guess i kinda abandoned this blog for a while to not infringe my privacy. But heck.
Ok, time to update. O'levels ended a while back, thank god. I've had my Graduation Night dinner since then and well, i found the love of my life. I love you babe, if you're reading. Also managed to get a job at Shang Ri La hotel Singapore. I'm a waiter at banquets. got the job with Matthew and his sister. Hmm, the o'levels were relatively simple, compared to any exam i've ever sat for. Not too worried about the results, i can wait.
Grad Night was also a fun experience, really cool experience. haha, we were supposed to go to Joel's house for a party and to get so piss drunk and wasted that night. Unfortunately, The damn cab driver refused to take me in his cab, too many people. Asshole.
Hmm, lately, I've screwed up alot. I can't tell what i messed up here, too public but yeahs, i have. And to whomever it may concern; If you are reading at all. I love you very much, i mean every word i say from my heart.
Been trying to write a song lately for you but words somehow fail me when i get down to putting the pen to the paper. Chord progressions and Riffs are no problems, words are the damn problem.
Okays, i have no mood to write anymore, I'm going to write my song now. I'll put it up here as soon as i can, by Sunday i hope. Grad night pictures are up too, all on my facebook. Go check it out if you want.
Ok, time to update. O'levels ended a while back, thank god. I've had my Graduation Night dinner since then and well, i found the love of my life. I love you babe, if you're reading. Also managed to get a job at Shang Ri La hotel Singapore. I'm a waiter at banquets. got the job with Matthew and his sister. Hmm, the o'levels were relatively simple, compared to any exam i've ever sat for. Not too worried about the results, i can wait.
Grad Night was also a fun experience, really cool experience. haha, we were supposed to go to Joel's house for a party and to get so piss drunk and wasted that night. Unfortunately, The damn cab driver refused to take me in his cab, too many people. Asshole.
Hmm, lately, I've screwed up alot. I can't tell what i messed up here, too public but yeahs, i have. And to whomever it may concern; If you are reading at all. I love you very much, i mean every word i say from my heart.
Been trying to write a song lately for you but words somehow fail me when i get down to putting the pen to the paper. Chord progressions and Riffs are no problems, words are the damn problem.
Okays, i have no mood to write anymore, I'm going to write my song now. I'll put it up here as soon as i can, by Sunday i hope. Grad night pictures are up too, all on my facebook. Go check it out if you want.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sand In My Shoes
Ok, been a while since i last blogged.2 weeks and counting down to the o'levels.Fuck.
Hmm, over the past few weeks, my life has really taken a turn for the worse. Yepps, the worse. This time, it's stuff that's completely out of my control. For one, it looks like my parents are really gonna go ahead with their divorce. That really sucks, i don't want a broken family but i guess I'll look forward to it for now. Not that i am a weird moron or anything, rejoicing in my parents breaking up but, the o's are in 2 weeks and i really am in no emotional condition to deal with their divorce. The way i see things, i could use that as an excuse to get really screwed up results or i could completely avoid the problem and not let it affect me. Logical thinking, with my best interest at mind, leads me to think that i should just not give a hoot about what my parents wanna do.
Moving on, i have decided i should just move on, it's really pointless waiting for you if you won't even talk to me, see me or anything else. I really don't ask for much, but it's the love i haven't got that i just can't live without anymore. I am moving on, picking up the pieces. You really hurt me. And i still can't blame you or think of you as an enemy. I am stupid. There are a million other fish out there, should have listened to people when they told me to move on.
I have been unable to actually tell anyone my true feelings at all for this past couple of weeks. I mean, for one, i really wished my mom just died, like died, capiche. She's been a fucking pain in my ass, reminding me how stupid i am and that I'm gonna fail my o's.Bitch.I so hope she reads this and cries. Other than that, a few things my dad has done that have hurt me but i can't say what and can't talk about it to anyone, no one that would understand. I mean, i can't talk to my male friends about it; there are just somethings that one does not tell his guy friends, they'll be insensitive. And i can't tell any female friend about it, I'll just cry if i do talk about it and i don't cry in front of anyone other than the one i love. Right now, no one fits the bill. So I'm pretty much suppressed and pushed to a corner, i have no choice but to harness and channel all this hurt to studying and doing well at the o's so i can get out of this shithill excuse i call a home. I'll find a way, I'll make it on my own. 2 more years and I'll move out, find my own way.
Been making good friends along the way, and over the past couple of weeks, one in particular. We said goodbye and i never thought i'd see that person again. I shan't elaborate.
It's my last week in saint Pat's and i feel like shit. I somehow find myself emotionally grafted to this school i once called a shithole i was stuck in, in sec1. Now, it practically rips me apart to say goodbye to it. This just pushes it man, my whole life falls apart. Life as i once knew it is coming to an end. Goodbye friends, teachers, school, the table we usually sit at, the place we hang out in the morning, my class, everything. Gonna miss everything about the school, in fact, saint Pat's was more of a culture, a way of life; St Pat's was home, still is home-for now. The one thing i know i was truly cut out for; Being a Patrician.
Well, it's two weeks to the O'levels and i am falling to pieces. This really sucks, my whole life is crumbling to the ground. I knew that love would break me one day, never thought that even my family could. Not that any other love I've ever had actually worked out. Guess since i best study and make a better life for myself, i will, i must. My not-so-distant plans are to just study and make it to Junior College, from there, beloved National Service. Not that i enjoy being physically tortured, but it gives me a better alternative to home. I don't have to see the demented people who just wanna hurt others, whom i call family till the end of the week and even then, I'll sleep or spend my time out of home.
Well i am gonna study now, i have to, it's my only way out. I'll seize the day. I have no one to turn to, unless it works out with i can't say who but it ain't Emelia. I'll go now, don't know when I'll be back again, but wish me luck. Heading headstrong into the O's. And to those of you sitting of the o's with me, best of luck, I'll keep you guys in my prayers(not that i am all too religious.).
ican'tfindthewordstotellyouhowifeel-JUICE!
Hmm, over the past few weeks, my life has really taken a turn for the worse. Yepps, the worse. This time, it's stuff that's completely out of my control. For one, it looks like my parents are really gonna go ahead with their divorce. That really sucks, i don't want a broken family but i guess I'll look forward to it for now. Not that i am a weird moron or anything, rejoicing in my parents breaking up but, the o's are in 2 weeks and i really am in no emotional condition to deal with their divorce. The way i see things, i could use that as an excuse to get really screwed up results or i could completely avoid the problem and not let it affect me. Logical thinking, with my best interest at mind, leads me to think that i should just not give a hoot about what my parents wanna do.
Moving on, i have decided i should just move on, it's really pointless waiting for you if you won't even talk to me, see me or anything else. I really don't ask for much, but it's the love i haven't got that i just can't live without anymore. I am moving on, picking up the pieces. You really hurt me. And i still can't blame you or think of you as an enemy. I am stupid. There are a million other fish out there, should have listened to people when they told me to move on.
I have been unable to actually tell anyone my true feelings at all for this past couple of weeks. I mean, for one, i really wished my mom just died, like died, capiche. She's been a fucking pain in my ass, reminding me how stupid i am and that I'm gonna fail my o's.Bitch.I so hope she reads this and cries. Other than that, a few things my dad has done that have hurt me but i can't say what and can't talk about it to anyone, no one that would understand. I mean, i can't talk to my male friends about it; there are just somethings that one does not tell his guy friends, they'll be insensitive. And i can't tell any female friend about it, I'll just cry if i do talk about it and i don't cry in front of anyone other than the one i love. Right now, no one fits the bill. So I'm pretty much suppressed and pushed to a corner, i have no choice but to harness and channel all this hurt to studying and doing well at the o's so i can get out of this shithill excuse i call a home. I'll find a way, I'll make it on my own. 2 more years and I'll move out, find my own way.
Been making good friends along the way, and over the past couple of weeks, one in particular. We said goodbye and i never thought i'd see that person again. I shan't elaborate.
It's my last week in saint Pat's and i feel like shit. I somehow find myself emotionally grafted to this school i once called a shithole i was stuck in, in sec1. Now, it practically rips me apart to say goodbye to it. This just pushes it man, my whole life falls apart. Life as i once knew it is coming to an end. Goodbye friends, teachers, school, the table we usually sit at, the place we hang out in the morning, my class, everything. Gonna miss everything about the school, in fact, saint Pat's was more of a culture, a way of life; St Pat's was home, still is home-for now. The one thing i know i was truly cut out for; Being a Patrician.
Well, it's two weeks to the O'levels and i am falling to pieces. This really sucks, my whole life is crumbling to the ground. I knew that love would break me one day, never thought that even my family could. Not that any other love I've ever had actually worked out. Guess since i best study and make a better life for myself, i will, i must. My not-so-distant plans are to just study and make it to Junior College, from there, beloved National Service. Not that i enjoy being physically tortured, but it gives me a better alternative to home. I don't have to see the demented people who just wanna hurt others, whom i call family till the end of the week and even then, I'll sleep or spend my time out of home.
Well i am gonna study now, i have to, it's my only way out. I'll seize the day. I have no one to turn to, unless it works out with i can't say who but it ain't Emelia. I'll go now, don't know when I'll be back again, but wish me luck. Heading headstrong into the O's. And to those of you sitting of the o's with me, best of luck, I'll keep you guys in my prayers(not that i am all too religious.).
ican'tfindthewordstotellyouhowifeel-JUICE!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Oops there goes gravity.
Ok, today, i went to school. It was really fun. We did just about nothing.
Alright, moving on, i really have nothing better to do, hence this blog post.
I can't think of anything to write about today, my day was pretty much routine.
Fineeee, I'll tell more about the plans i have for tomorrow. Meeting Alexus at his place at around 11, playing guitar and singing till like 12? Then meeting Nisha to study Physics and E'maths at Starbucks, east point. Not sure what time we plan to do that until.
hmm, i really didn't ponder much into things today. I did spend a good part of my day convincing myself that metal and can replace her. Then i spent an even better part of my day missing you, i really wanna talk to you. Is it okay with you if i sms you? I wanna know how you are, i wanna let you know that you can confide in me. I need to talk to you, i need to hear your voice. But from what a certain incredibly deluded and stupid acquaintance of mine, you ate my freaking guts. Is it really that big a crime to have shown you affection, to let you know i care. Cos i don't know how to make a feeling go away.
I have this insatiable desire to just pick up my cell, and text you call you, anything. But, i am holding back, you don't seem like you wanna talk to me at all. And i just don't have the heart to refuse you f what you want. You know that, so why don't you just do me a favour and put me out of my misery. Throw me a hint, can i start conversations now? will you reply me again?It's been 2 weeks since we spoke. I really miss you, the angel from my nightmare, the reason why i never woke up. Please, i really would appreciate it if i could talk to you.
So many questions we have in this world of limited answers. And the one question that seems to remain perennially, just a question would be, why? It is funny how just one word can apply to everything in this world. Why this? why that? It's really fucked up. I've been asking myself alot of questions lately, to no avail, i get no answers. Only time can answer my questions, and you.
confusedJUICE!
Alright, moving on, i really have nothing better to do, hence this blog post.
I can't think of anything to write about today, my day was pretty much routine.
Fineeee, I'll tell more about the plans i have for tomorrow. Meeting Alexus at his place at around 11, playing guitar and singing till like 12? Then meeting Nisha to study Physics and E'maths at Starbucks, east point. Not sure what time we plan to do that until.
hmm, i really didn't ponder much into things today. I did spend a good part of my day convincing myself that metal and can replace her. Then i spent an even better part of my day missing you, i really wanna talk to you. Is it okay with you if i sms you? I wanna know how you are, i wanna let you know that you can confide in me. I need to talk to you, i need to hear your voice. But from what a certain incredibly deluded and stupid acquaintance of mine, you ate my freaking guts. Is it really that big a crime to have shown you affection, to let you know i care. Cos i don't know how to make a feeling go away.
I have this insatiable desire to just pick up my cell, and text you call you, anything. But, i am holding back, you don't seem like you wanna talk to me at all. And i just don't have the heart to refuse you f what you want. You know that, so why don't you just do me a favour and put me out of my misery. Throw me a hint, can i start conversations now? will you reply me again?It's been 2 weeks since we spoke. I really miss you, the angel from my nightmare, the reason why i never woke up. Please, i really would appreciate it if i could talk to you.
So many questions we have in this world of limited answers. And the one question that seems to remain perennially, just a question would be, why? It is funny how just one word can apply to everything in this world. Why this? why that? It's really fucked up. I've been asking myself alot of questions lately, to no avail, i get no answers. Only time can answer my questions, and you.
confusedJUICE!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
My Weakness is, that i care too much,
Ok, it's been a while since i last blogged, it's not that i didn't get the time to anything. It's just that the recent events in my life aren't too happy, and i simply didn't think i had the strength to blog about them because, I'd have to remember them and why in the world would i wanna remember bad things?
Anyways, the biggest, most sad event in my life-inspired by one person, you-keeps popping in my head, day or night. So heck, might as well blog about the others, since my excuse for not blogging was recalling.
Firstly, my academic life has become a hopeless derailed train, skidding on thin ice that's headed for the edge of the earth. I got twenty fucking 2 points for the prelims, and that my friends, makes me officially stupid. Then again, the whole level did horribly, the top scorer had 13 points. WTF? Not too late to change the direction i realise, i am studying like mad now-mad!
The most heartlessly cold thing that happened was, Her (or if you happen to read this, you.). She has no idea the cycle of events she triggered in my little already overflowing brain. She never really rejects me, tells me she had feelings for me before, not anymore. Says that it wasn't me screwing up, but something else that she can't explain. She says i am being too nice, i don't get mad at her even when she was in the wrong. I have a reason, i do get pissed, but when you talk to me, my anger vanishes. You fix my problems, just by being there, talking to me. She also says that i began to behave a Little like her ex. Fuck. I know that i am a random, stupid, harebrained little bugger, but do have a code of rules by which i live my life, and breaking your heart in any way, is considered to be an unpardonable action. I would never, not under any balls snapping condition, hurt you or treat you the way that stupid son of a fucking promiscuous bitch of a whore treated you. It's been two weeks since we've spoken or even seen each other.
Just so she knows, i still am waiting for you, when you need me, I'll be right here. Just call me, and I'll come running. I know, it has to be a godsend if you read this but i have to try.
I've been told to move on by all the people who actually give an honest crap about me. I want to move on too, but i can't. Simply can't, i made a promise to her a while back that i'd wait for her for as long as i'll have to, and i can't break that promise, I'll keep waiting.
Going on to something a little more well, i won't say happy, but not doomed. I am actually making a serious effort to study now, i even study combine humanities now. Went to Macs with Nisha on Thursday last week to study. I didn't expect to study at all, but surprisingly, we actually managed to get work done. Also went out to le pak(or relax) with Kelvin and Gerard on Saturday. We did absolutely nothing. Hung out at macs for a bit, then went to Yamaha to get out high-e strings and then, went to a block near Church to sit, talk and rocco. Went to attend novena service after that.
Okay, I'm not going to pretend i am happy here, I'm not. I'm just holding back the tears and misery till after the O's. I can't afford to let my emotions to get the better of me now. 2 more months till i can freely just let it all out. 27 days and counting down, to the beginning of the damned O's, I've decided to take on a more optimistic view of it, I'll face it like a man, like there is nothing they can test me on that i don't know.
What happened to me? I used to be a normal, oh-so-happy teenager just a few months back, as soon as a girl walks into my life, BOOM. It ceases to be anywhere near happy. Every time i fell for a girl(a grand total of 2 times in my short life) my heart breaks to so many pieces, i need a freaking broom and dust pan to pick up the pieces.
nothappyyetindifferentJUICE!
Anyways, the biggest, most sad event in my life-inspired by one person, you-keeps popping in my head, day or night. So heck, might as well blog about the others, since my excuse for not blogging was recalling.
Firstly, my academic life has become a hopeless derailed train, skidding on thin ice that's headed for the edge of the earth. I got twenty fucking 2 points for the prelims, and that my friends, makes me officially stupid. Then again, the whole level did horribly, the top scorer had 13 points. WTF? Not too late to change the direction i realise, i am studying like mad now-mad!
The most heartlessly cold thing that happened was, Her (or if you happen to read this, you.). She has no idea the cycle of events she triggered in my little already overflowing brain. She never really rejects me, tells me she had feelings for me before, not anymore. Says that it wasn't me screwing up, but something else that she can't explain. She says i am being too nice, i don't get mad at her even when she was in the wrong. I have a reason, i do get pissed, but when you talk to me, my anger vanishes. You fix my problems, just by being there, talking to me. She also says that i began to behave a Little like her ex. Fuck. I know that i am a random, stupid, harebrained little bugger, but do have a code of rules by which i live my life, and breaking your heart in any way, is considered to be an unpardonable action. I would never, not under any balls snapping condition, hurt you or treat you the way that stupid son of a fucking promiscuous bitch of a whore treated you. It's been two weeks since we've spoken or even seen each other.
Just so she knows, i still am waiting for you, when you need me, I'll be right here. Just call me, and I'll come running. I know, it has to be a godsend if you read this but i have to try.
I've been told to move on by all the people who actually give an honest crap about me. I want to move on too, but i can't. Simply can't, i made a promise to her a while back that i'd wait for her for as long as i'll have to, and i can't break that promise, I'll keep waiting.
Going on to something a little more well, i won't say happy, but not doomed. I am actually making a serious effort to study now, i even study combine humanities now. Went to Macs with Nisha on Thursday last week to study. I didn't expect to study at all, but surprisingly, we actually managed to get work done. Also went out to le pak(or relax) with Kelvin and Gerard on Saturday. We did absolutely nothing. Hung out at macs for a bit, then went to Yamaha to get out high-e strings and then, went to a block near Church to sit, talk and rocco. Went to attend novena service after that.
Okay, I'm not going to pretend i am happy here, I'm not. I'm just holding back the tears and misery till after the O's. I can't afford to let my emotions to get the better of me now. 2 more months till i can freely just let it all out. 27 days and counting down, to the beginning of the damned O's, I've decided to take on a more optimistic view of it, I'll face it like a man, like there is nothing they can test me on that i don't know.
What happened to me? I used to be a normal, oh-so-happy teenager just a few months back, as soon as a girl walks into my life, BOOM. It ceases to be anywhere near happy. Every time i fell for a girl(a grand total of 2 times in my short life) my heart breaks to so many pieces, i need a freaking broom and dust pan to pick up the pieces.
nothappyyetindifferentJUICE!
Friday, September 12, 2008
oh somebody kill me please? put a bullet in my head.
Today is the worst day of my life, and the best. This week, my exams ended. And the demise of the results was unleashed on my raw flesh. So, failed combined humanities and failed a'maths. Got a C5 for E'maths and B3 for English and biology. Not sure of my physics and chemistry results. My results are shit and yet, still considered one of the better students. Wtf? and to think st Pat's entrance aggregate requirement is 241....hiaz.
Moving on to the more personal side of me, i couldn't take it anymore, my emotions erupted. I said it to her, just said it and asked if the feeling was mutual. I practically just wallowed in misery, expecting a rejection sms back. Nope, i did not get rejected, i think? She misses me, when i don't sms, but can't talk to me directly. She treats me differently from a friend. But she wants me to just give up. I can't. I can't simply give up on something that feels so right. In fact, she's the only person who's right in my life right now, and she wants out. Does she love me? Cos i LOVE her, with all my heart. She i asked why i like her, of all people. I have no way to put that in words, i can show her , in time, by my side. If she'll let me. God knows how she feels really, i just wanna hear the words. Why wont she go steady with me? I would love to be the one to put the smile on her face. To make her days a little brighter. Right now, i think i am burdening her somehow by my feelings, but i have to try, i must. And if she is reading this, i am really sorry for the pain i might have caused you, really sorry. I love you and i need you. I want to be with you, will you be with me? I need you to be complete, now i'm only half the man i was, before i met you.
Right, now that i got that off my mind, gotta move on and thank my friends, all of them and a certain someone, shahirah, thanks(did i get the spelling right?) for the concern and the help she's given me. Thanks.
Gotta move on, but I'm not, but i gotta pick up the pieces. I still love you. You know. I always will. I have to study now, but i can't without you, i need to know you;re there, i need to talk to you, my mind, heart, soul are all with you. Only when you talk to me, can i regain sanity, peace and study properly.
That's all for this week, before i end this post, i just have to say it just once more, I LOVE YOU.
very very un-HAPPYJUICE!
Moving on to the more personal side of me, i couldn't take it anymore, my emotions erupted. I said it to her, just said it and asked if the feeling was mutual. I practically just wallowed in misery, expecting a rejection sms back. Nope, i did not get rejected, i think? She misses me, when i don't sms, but can't talk to me directly. She treats me differently from a friend. But she wants me to just give up. I can't. I can't simply give up on something that feels so right. In fact, she's the only person who's right in my life right now, and she wants out. Does she love me? Cos i LOVE her, with all my heart. She i asked why i like her, of all people. I have no way to put that in words, i can show her , in time, by my side. If she'll let me. God knows how she feels really, i just wanna hear the words. Why wont she go steady with me? I would love to be the one to put the smile on her face. To make her days a little brighter. Right now, i think i am burdening her somehow by my feelings, but i have to try, i must. And if she is reading this, i am really sorry for the pain i might have caused you, really sorry. I love you and i need you. I want to be with you, will you be with me? I need you to be complete, now i'm only half the man i was, before i met you.
Right, now that i got that off my mind, gotta move on and thank my friends, all of them and a certain someone, shahirah, thanks(did i get the spelling right?) for the concern and the help she's given me. Thanks.
Gotta move on, but I'm not, but i gotta pick up the pieces. I still love you. You know. I always will. I have to study now, but i can't without you, i need to know you;re there, i need to talk to you, my mind, heart, soul are all with you. Only when you talk to me, can i regain sanity, peace and study properly.
That's all for this week, before i end this post, i just have to say it just once more, I LOVE YOU.
very very un-HAPPYJUICE!
Friday, September 5, 2008
Okay, what was i thinking? Life can't be good without you.
I'm the man who can't be moved. I'm just a broken hearted man. How can i move on when I'm still in love with you?
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, and you're heart starts to wonder where on this earth i could be. Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet and you see me waiting for you on the corner of your street. I'm not moving, I'm not moving.
Yes, what in the hell was i thinking? I can't live happily without some people, one person, to be particular. The stupid things i try. Anyways, as the song suggests, it summarises me and my god forsaken feelings for some people-one person- in the lyrics of a song, The man who can't be moved by the script. I can't move on, I can't give up. I'll be here, all the time, for you. On the corner of your street, along the sidelines, for you.
Well, i spent the most part of my day ignoring every thought of that one person, and fuck! my mind is persistent. I could no longer ignore after like 4 hours.........that's my will power, 4 miserable hours. My dad was right, Rule number 1: Do not love, love will see to the end of you, the one weak link in the chain....look at Clarke Kent, spider man, iron man, hulk...yadayada....they all love and that in itself makes them just as strong as they are weak.
Went out nowhere today, as far as physical means go. I spent the whole day at home. I didn't even go to church, spent it all at at home, computer--BATTLEFIELD 2, i finished the whole game. And PSP, fifa pro street 2, played a good erm, 4 hours? And the first thing i did this morning was watch a solid hour of Flintstones, in last nights boxers, without brushing my teeth....etc. I did study, just in case you were wondering, the 4 hours i was ignoring my pesky thoughts, i did a'maths. Managed to get some work done.
Wow, looks like the 1 week holidays are over. And i barely did anything productive at all. I just spent it wallowing in misery, reminiscing on thoughts of things and people. Barely did any exercise, no running at all, just weights and push ups and sit ups and leg raises.....etc.
Didn't think too much about things, today was pretty much stoned, played and well, wasted away. The only real thoughts i had were of.....yup, you guessed it. I will shy away from the specifics. I mean, today was the kind of day I'd spend staring at my belly button for hours, just cause i can. Not that i did stare at it of course, i am a higher mammal after all.
There goes another day, another page in the book of my life, where we fail to meet, fail to speak, fail to communicate. The ink on these pages are never dry.
Oh and HAHA! i know something you don't!!!!!
somewhatconfusedyetHAPPYJUICE!
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, and you're heart starts to wonder where on this earth i could be. Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet and you see me waiting for you on the corner of your street. I'm not moving, I'm not moving.
Yes, what in the hell was i thinking? I can't live happily without some people, one person, to be particular. The stupid things i try. Anyways, as the song suggests, it summarises me and my god forsaken feelings for some people-one person- in the lyrics of a song, The man who can't be moved by the script. I can't move on, I can't give up. I'll be here, all the time, for you. On the corner of your street, along the sidelines, for you.
Well, i spent the most part of my day ignoring every thought of that one person, and fuck! my mind is persistent. I could no longer ignore after like 4 hours.........that's my will power, 4 miserable hours. My dad was right, Rule number 1: Do not love, love will see to the end of you, the one weak link in the chain....look at Clarke Kent, spider man, iron man, hulk...yadayada....they all love and that in itself makes them just as strong as they are weak.
Went out nowhere today, as far as physical means go. I spent the whole day at home. I didn't even go to church, spent it all at at home, computer--BATTLEFIELD 2, i finished the whole game. And PSP, fifa pro street 2, played a good erm, 4 hours? And the first thing i did this morning was watch a solid hour of Flintstones, in last nights boxers, without brushing my teeth....etc. I did study, just in case you were wondering, the 4 hours i was ignoring my pesky thoughts, i did a'maths. Managed to get some work done.
Wow, looks like the 1 week holidays are over. And i barely did anything productive at all. I just spent it wallowing in misery, reminiscing on thoughts of things and people. Barely did any exercise, no running at all, just weights and push ups and sit ups and leg raises.....etc.
Didn't think too much about things, today was pretty much stoned, played and well, wasted away. The only real thoughts i had were of.....yup, you guessed it. I will shy away from the specifics. I mean, today was the kind of day I'd spend staring at my belly button for hours, just cause i can. Not that i did stare at it of course, i am a higher mammal after all.
There goes another day, another page in the book of my life, where we fail to meet, fail to speak, fail to communicate. The ink on these pages are never dry.
Oh and HAHA! i know something you don't!!!!!
somewhatconfusedyetHAPPYJUICE!
life can be good, i can live with just myself, i think?
Well, today was a damn boring day of discovery for me.
Spent the whole day at home....watched teevee and studied for a couple of hours. I tried to fix my problem of differentiation and integration. I managed to get most of it, I'd say but, only results will tell i guess.....Got new strings for my guitar strings yesterday, changed em. Played guitar till my fingers became sore, waited till they felt better and played some more. Sang till my lungs gave in.
Well, for the more fun part of the day, i spent my time watching jackass with my bro Pat, damn funny sia, drink horse semen, get a beard made of other men's pubic hair, feed his penis to a snake, alot of damn stupid shit....damn fucked up. Laughed till my already flat lungs could take no more, which was a surprising amount it could take. Then, i was talking to alexus, on msn. Somehow, he got down to teaching me his not yet published version of the alexussutra. Damn funny also, like the kamasutra but funnier and lacks the whole topic of sex...haha.
I thought alot today..........alot of stupid things came up. And seemingly significant yet now insignificant thoughts came to mind....i shan't elaborate on those thoughts. I did think alot about how i'm going to miss St pat's next year. The whole atmosphere, the physical place, the people-friends and teachers. I so don't wanna leave st pats man....can't go to 7-11 or parkway or marine parade or katong after school. Can't go hang out with the guys after school, can't see people whom i'd like to see everyday. 4 years just flew by like that, i want back to at least sec 3 man, that was the time of my life so far. Where nothing than just having fun mattered. I was dedicated to having fun and studying, nothing else. This year was(oh my god, i have to use past tense already....shit!) also damn fun, come to think about it. We had fun, went out, i had a ball of a time. We got to know each other better. We spent more time together.
I thought about how i changed, physically, emotionally, mentally. Physically, I've obviously grown, built some muscle, lost some weight( still more to lose) and well, grown! haha. Emotionally, I've developed. I care way too god damned much now and, that's not helping me, trying to stop caring now. Mentally, the way i think has changed alot....sec 1, i see a picture of a naked girl, I'd close my eyes and yell EEE. Now, hahaha, it's a different story. I seem to know what i want in life. I tend to think on a more mature level, to make me and others happy.
Well, thats all i am gonna blog about now. That's all I'm gonna say for now. What I'm trying, you'll know soon enough.
By the way, whoever you are reading this, any form of contact you make with me will not make any difference to me....haha.
tryingtobeHAPPYJUICE!
Spent the whole day at home....watched teevee and studied for a couple of hours. I tried to fix my problem of differentiation and integration. I managed to get most of it, I'd say but, only results will tell i guess.....Got new strings for my guitar strings yesterday, changed em. Played guitar till my fingers became sore, waited till they felt better and played some more. Sang till my lungs gave in.
Well, for the more fun part of the day, i spent my time watching jackass with my bro Pat, damn funny sia, drink horse semen, get a beard made of other men's pubic hair, feed his penis to a snake, alot of damn stupid shit....damn fucked up. Laughed till my already flat lungs could take no more, which was a surprising amount it could take. Then, i was talking to alexus, on msn. Somehow, he got down to teaching me his not yet published version of the alexussutra. Damn funny also, like the kamasutra but funnier and lacks the whole topic of sex...haha.
I thought alot today..........alot of stupid things came up. And seemingly significant yet now insignificant thoughts came to mind....i shan't elaborate on those thoughts. I did think alot about how i'm going to miss St pat's next year. The whole atmosphere, the physical place, the people-friends and teachers. I so don't wanna leave st pats man....can't go to 7-11 or parkway or marine parade or katong after school. Can't go hang out with the guys after school, can't see people whom i'd like to see everyday. 4 years just flew by like that, i want back to at least sec 3 man, that was the time of my life so far. Where nothing than just having fun mattered. I was dedicated to having fun and studying, nothing else. This year was(oh my god, i have to use past tense already....shit!) also damn fun, come to think about it. We had fun, went out, i had a ball of a time. We got to know each other better. We spent more time together.
I thought about how i changed, physically, emotionally, mentally. Physically, I've obviously grown, built some muscle, lost some weight( still more to lose) and well, grown! haha. Emotionally, I've developed. I care way too god damned much now and, that's not helping me, trying to stop caring now. Mentally, the way i think has changed alot....sec 1, i see a picture of a naked girl, I'd close my eyes and yell EEE. Now, hahaha, it's a different story. I seem to know what i want in life. I tend to think on a more mature level, to make me and others happy.
Well, thats all i am gonna blog about now. That's all I'm gonna say for now. What I'm trying, you'll know soon enough.
By the way, whoever you are reading this, any form of contact you make with me will not make any difference to me....haha.
tryingtobeHAPPYJUICE!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I need a clue, so show me a sign.
In a world so big, it's not easy to choose, which pawn to move.
Can't agree more, in this diverse yet incredibly limited world, it's not easy to choose-people, choices, events, anything. Today was a really wasted day as far as academics would go, i barely studied consciously. I did however, skim through physics and chem and bio. The only real work that i did do today was A'maths- i know i suck at it but if I'm gonna fail it, i gotta do it with some dignity.
Spent the entire day at home, i keep putting off this trip to peninsula to get clothes and a couple of other things like guitar strings and what not, for a while now. I should probably get down to getting over with the shopping-ugh- by tomorrow.
I'll cut my monologue short, today was spent without her completely, not even a decent hi today. It really hurt. But there really is no point in telling you anonymous people out there about my feelings is there? So wa-lah, I'll wallow in my misery in the privacy of the night and my room.
On to something a little more happy. Well, to be crudely honest, nothing happy has been going on in my life lately, just alot of high drama sad stuff that i don't seem to respond to with much interest or distaste, no drama from me. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong in my life has seemingly gone wrong. And i frankly can no longer be bothered by it, just study and do what i do best-keep on keeping on; LIFE IS A GARDEN, DIG IT!(quoting the oh-so-famous Joe dirt). There is one thing though that will never get off my mind, you guessed it, her.
I just so happen to spend the last week or so of my right now not too attractive life, in complete and absolute boredom, not finding solace in playing guitar or the rather abstract, juvenile and stupid things i usually do like putting insects in my microwave. I have finally stopped masking my emotions, i cry when it hurts, i laugh when its funny, punch me i bleed. I've grown up and i seriously want back to adolescent denial. I don't like having to make mature decisions to satisfy myself and no one else. Some part of me is compelling me to make mature decisions and the other minority of me wants to break free, do things for no reason, to just do things and not care about the consequences; RULE number one when you're a Patrician: Do not care about the consequences, just do what you want. The rest of the world can just fuck the hell off. Well, news flash, it just ain't working for me. I don't give a flying fuck about what the world thinks or has to say but, i do know that a certain sense of mature rationality would lead me to believe that some things i used to do not too long ago were really really stupid to the bone, not even sideshow Bob would find it amusing.
I spent the most part of my day just thinking of random shit, when she was not on my mind of course. That was like a fraction of a second every few hours. But anyhow, as the title of this entry suggests, i thought about how i made every last one of my decisions. Some were a very basic, animal level. Others were made on a higher level of understanding of things, a more rational level. Not all my decisions are well thought through, some may even be made on a basis of losing a match of rock paper scissors. Other more important ones, i think through. Did i make these decisions myself or has some higher being always influenced or guided me along these turns? Ironically, only god would know.
Well, i thought about alot of other things that probably will never affect me in this lifetime and even more things related to well, her. So, i shall not elaborate on any of them, seems i am wasting my time and infringing my own privacy by telling a number of perhaps harebrained, anonymous and ignorant strangers about my feelings, not that i meant any offence.
I am guessing thats all i got for tonight, as far as not repeating myself would go. So later people, ciao!
HAPPY-yet confused-JUICE!
Can't agree more, in this diverse yet incredibly limited world, it's not easy to choose-people, choices, events, anything. Today was a really wasted day as far as academics would go, i barely studied consciously. I did however, skim through physics and chem and bio. The only real work that i did do today was A'maths- i know i suck at it but if I'm gonna fail it, i gotta do it with some dignity.
Spent the entire day at home, i keep putting off this trip to peninsula to get clothes and a couple of other things like guitar strings and what not, for a while now. I should probably get down to getting over with the shopping-ugh- by tomorrow.
I'll cut my monologue short, today was spent without her completely, not even a decent hi today. It really hurt. But there really is no point in telling you anonymous people out there about my feelings is there? So wa-lah, I'll wallow in my misery in the privacy of the night and my room.
On to something a little more happy. Well, to be crudely honest, nothing happy has been going on in my life lately, just alot of high drama sad stuff that i don't seem to respond to with much interest or distaste, no drama from me. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong in my life has seemingly gone wrong. And i frankly can no longer be bothered by it, just study and do what i do best-keep on keeping on; LIFE IS A GARDEN, DIG IT!(quoting the oh-so-famous Joe dirt). There is one thing though that will never get off my mind, you guessed it, her.
I just so happen to spend the last week or so of my right now not too attractive life, in complete and absolute boredom, not finding solace in playing guitar or the rather abstract, juvenile and stupid things i usually do like putting insects in my microwave. I have finally stopped masking my emotions, i cry when it hurts, i laugh when its funny, punch me i bleed. I've grown up and i seriously want back to adolescent denial. I don't like having to make mature decisions to satisfy myself and no one else. Some part of me is compelling me to make mature decisions and the other minority of me wants to break free, do things for no reason, to just do things and not care about the consequences; RULE number one when you're a Patrician: Do not care about the consequences, just do what you want. The rest of the world can just fuck the hell off. Well, news flash, it just ain't working for me. I don't give a flying fuck about what the world thinks or has to say but, i do know that a certain sense of mature rationality would lead me to believe that some things i used to do not too long ago were really really stupid to the bone, not even sideshow Bob would find it amusing.
I spent the most part of my day just thinking of random shit, when she was not on my mind of course. That was like a fraction of a second every few hours. But anyhow, as the title of this entry suggests, i thought about how i made every last one of my decisions. Some were a very basic, animal level. Others were made on a higher level of understanding of things, a more rational level. Not all my decisions are well thought through, some may even be made on a basis of losing a match of rock paper scissors. Other more important ones, i think through. Did i make these decisions myself or has some higher being always influenced or guided me along these turns? Ironically, only god would know.
Well, i thought about alot of other things that probably will never affect me in this lifetime and even more things related to well, her. So, i shall not elaborate on any of them, seems i am wasting my time and infringing my own privacy by telling a number of perhaps harebrained, anonymous and ignorant strangers about my feelings, not that i meant any offence.
I am guessing thats all i got for tonight, as far as not repeating myself would go. So later people, ciao!
HAPPY-yet confused-JUICE!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder, let your clarity difine you.
Ok, today was generally damn fun. Went to school for a'maths this morning. After that, went to Mandarin gardens for badminton! and i borrowed Battlefield 2 from Matthew and he also game me fifa street 2 for psp. All damn fun games. Played badminton after that. Before we went back, we played a bit of guitar, Gerard brought hi. And, we sparred. Yes, you heard me right, i sparred too. With Gerard, Rajeevan and kelvin. Stood through all the fights, so far, i haven't lost any battles. Man, if i knew it was this fun, I'd have started the whole sparring thing a long time ago.
Anyway, today was also a horrible day, i spent it without her. She smsed me like around 2 plus and I've been hung up on it since. Now, i don't start conversations and all, since there is another guy involved and all, i figured it's best i love her from a distance. I don't want to be a toerag to her, like a freaking shadow you don't want. She also chatted with me on msn earlier, then she just stopped replying after a while, like it always happens even by sms. It would be really stupid if i become close to her like we're having a relationship and one day she sez we're only friends, the relationships stops there; friends. I'll always be here, by now she'd know at least that and that i haven't given up, i don't want to.
Today i also pondered about how short life can be, at Matt's place, his dad was talking about this dude who took his Bros car out for a drive and crashed it and died that instant. The dude was also Alexus's friend. So, life can be really short. Am i ready to die? have i done all i can to contribute to the world? have i said all i need? Have i lived a fruitful life? Will i be missed, by who? Will people turn up to my funeral? Will my eulogy be a good one? There was also a long list of questions about love where the ink is never dry. So many questions and only one lifetime to answer them all. I decided I'll start with the simplest of things, if i die, did i tell all whom i love that i love them, my parents, my family, my friends, her, everyone? I doubt death would be graceful enough to permit me to say a final goodbye to them all. So, for the record, if i die anytime soon and i don't get a chance to let you all know, I LOVE YOU all, mom dad, Pat, Ben, and YOU my dear; you know who you are. I realised that when the book of my life is written, i want it to be a regret free one, i wanna have tried all good things and made all around me happy. I wanna have loved those i love all i can. So, i will say what i feel and mean it to whoever it is i am saying it to. I don't want there to be a chapter on enmity in the book of my life, i don't have any enemies, and i plan to keep it that way.
I also thought alot about many abstract things and they all have one thing in common, they all root back to her, cos the truth of the matter is, i can't pass a minute without her in my head. So, there is really no point in me telling you guys more about the things i pondered about today, I'll just bore you with more lovey dovey emotions i have. So, before i end this post, i just wanna say before it's too late to say it to her, i love you, with all my heart, take my heart, keep it. It's yours, you can throw it, i don't want it back from you ever. I don't think I'll ever get a chance to say it to her judging by the way things are now, but nevertheless, i got it off my chest now. She may never know and i may never say but now we all know, and she still doesn't know...haha.
HAPPYJUICE!
(I'll have to believe this for now)
Anyway, today was also a horrible day, i spent it without her. She smsed me like around 2 plus and I've been hung up on it since. Now, i don't start conversations and all, since there is another guy involved and all, i figured it's best i love her from a distance. I don't want to be a toerag to her, like a freaking shadow you don't want. She also chatted with me on msn earlier, then she just stopped replying after a while, like it always happens even by sms. It would be really stupid if i become close to her like we're having a relationship and one day she sez we're only friends, the relationships stops there; friends. I'll always be here, by now she'd know at least that and that i haven't given up, i don't want to.
Today i also pondered about how short life can be, at Matt's place, his dad was talking about this dude who took his Bros car out for a drive and crashed it and died that instant. The dude was also Alexus's friend. So, life can be really short. Am i ready to die? have i done all i can to contribute to the world? have i said all i need? Have i lived a fruitful life? Will i be missed, by who? Will people turn up to my funeral? Will my eulogy be a good one? There was also a long list of questions about love where the ink is never dry. So many questions and only one lifetime to answer them all. I decided I'll start with the simplest of things, if i die, did i tell all whom i love that i love them, my parents, my family, my friends, her, everyone? I doubt death would be graceful enough to permit me to say a final goodbye to them all. So, for the record, if i die anytime soon and i don't get a chance to let you all know, I LOVE YOU all, mom dad, Pat, Ben, and YOU my dear; you know who you are. I realised that when the book of my life is written, i want it to be a regret free one, i wanna have tried all good things and made all around me happy. I wanna have loved those i love all i can. So, i will say what i feel and mean it to whoever it is i am saying it to. I don't want there to be a chapter on enmity in the book of my life, i don't have any enemies, and i plan to keep it that way.
I also thought alot about many abstract things and they all have one thing in common, they all root back to her, cos the truth of the matter is, i can't pass a minute without her in my head. So, there is really no point in me telling you guys more about the things i pondered about today, I'll just bore you with more lovey dovey emotions i have. So, before i end this post, i just wanna say before it's too late to say it to her, i love you, with all my heart, take my heart, keep it. It's yours, you can throw it, i don't want it back from you ever. I don't think I'll ever get a chance to say it to her judging by the way things are now, but nevertheless, i got it off my chest now. She may never know and i may never say but now we all know, and she still doesn't know...haha.
HAPPYJUICE!
(I'll have to believe this for now)
Monday, September 1, 2008
WHAT A WICKED GAME TO PLAY GIRL?
today was damn screwed up. I realised my fears have been confirmed, there is another guy. Yepps, there is....another lucky motherfucking bastard who is "tired from running through her mind all day" and he isn't me, she left a name....G*****something. And i'm still smsing her, i love her too god damned much. EVEN NOW. Technically, she hasn't rejected me, i said i love you and she never said anything....dunno what to make of it.
i made a promise to her, i ain't giving up until she tells me to give up, screw off and move on straight and flat on my face. So, Emelia, if ur reading this, u'd be doing me a huge favour if you just rejected me and gave me some closure. If there is another guy in your heart that is. Cuz I'm a man of my word and i intend to keep my promise to you. Just know, I love you and i always will. I don't care what happens, i love you, the rest i can live with. You can always come to me for a shoulder to cry on anything else. I'll be here.
I realised that being a nice guy never pays off. Being me never pays off. For some reason, many girls just don't like nice guys. Ladida for me huh. I Have only one song to dedicate to Emelia, yes honey you. Wicked game by H.I.M. Go check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WA2jBMk-Pk check it out.
I really am heart broken today. I have no idea what to write about, i can't seem to feel anything more than the pain i feel now, it's eaten a hole out of my chest, leaving a huge void there only my emotional counterpart can fill, you can fill.
My day today was filled with lots of questions today. Why being the most part of these questions. ahh, HECK. i am too hurt to blog, my emotions are in the pits now, I'll let them burn. I'll blog about something more happy some other time.
I just wanna thank some people here, now. For all the emotional support and advice they have given me, thanks dudes and dudettes, Shariah, aj, Matthew and Gerard. i really appreciate it.
Between now and then, until i see you again, I'll be loving you. Love, me.
HAPPYJUICE!
(you have no idea how hard I'm working to put up a smile and not cry)
i made a promise to her, i ain't giving up until she tells me to give up, screw off and move on straight and flat on my face. So, Emelia, if ur reading this, u'd be doing me a huge favour if you just rejected me and gave me some closure. If there is another guy in your heart that is. Cuz I'm a man of my word and i intend to keep my promise to you. Just know, I love you and i always will. I don't care what happens, i love you, the rest i can live with. You can always come to me for a shoulder to cry on anything else. I'll be here.
I realised that being a nice guy never pays off. Being me never pays off. For some reason, many girls just don't like nice guys. Ladida for me huh. I Have only one song to dedicate to Emelia, yes honey you. Wicked game by H.I.M. Go check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WA2jBMk-Pk check it out.
I really am heart broken today. I have no idea what to write about, i can't seem to feel anything more than the pain i feel now, it's eaten a hole out of my chest, leaving a huge void there only my emotional counterpart can fill, you can fill.
My day today was filled with lots of questions today. Why being the most part of these questions. ahh, HECK. i am too hurt to blog, my emotions are in the pits now, I'll let them burn. I'll blog about something more happy some other time.
I just wanna thank some people here, now. For all the emotional support and advice they have given me, thanks dudes and dudettes, Shariah, aj, Matthew and Gerard. i really appreciate it.
Between now and then, until i see you again, I'll be loving you. Love, me.
HAPPYJUICE!
(you have no idea how hard I'm working to put up a smile and not cry)
Sunday, August 31, 2008
if it swims, we have it!
Well, today was miserable for the most part of the day. The only good thing that happened today was the in promptu meeting for dinner with my best friend,AJ.
Basically, we went out without a plan and figured we were hungry and nothing said "i'll sate your hunger" quite like Carl's junior did. Yep, we went to Carl's junior, and we ordered like a HUGE meal, up sized. The more interesting part, apart from the meal, was the conversation e had on the way there. We hiked to the outlet at the old big splash and had a very good conversation. We spent a good amount of time talking about next year and how we'd miss everyone and the school and the times we spent together. After that, this Soviet looking dude just walked up to us b the beach and asked us for like 5 bucks for his dinner....wtf? we don't even know the dude. Anyway, at the food joint, the place was packed to the brim, literally. So, we bought our food and went to the last floor of big splash to devour our succulent meals. We barely spoke during the meal, our mouths were full the whole time. FRIES-BURGER-DRINK-REPEAT. haha, after that, on the way back, we sat across the street at a bus stop opposite the seafood place around the corner from Carl's junior and we saw this sign-if it swims, we have it-we laughed till we were on the brink of puking the contents of our now way beyond full stomach-sperms for dinner?LOL. And AJ came up with this song when we saw a really hot chick on the bus, she was so hot, watching her was like an equivalence of watching porn. "she got the boobs, the rack, i got the cock, we gotta fuck." in a really whiny kinda rap tone. damn funny. On the way back, my dad picked us up from east coast. In the car, they spent the whole time like insulting Emelia and me, calling me her bitch.....yaaadaahyaadahyaadah. Not changing the way i feel about her guys-.-
Anyway, about her........well, i really don't know what to think, or feel. all know is i love her. What she feels, i don't know, is she through with me? am i rejected? i don't know, i spoke to her friend and she told me to move on, and gotta admit, that really hurt. I don't want to move on, i love her. Maybe i will get hurt but i don't mind if it's her hurting me. To me, she is worth it. I made a promise to her, i will not give up until she tells me to move on in the face. After the cruel charade I've had with her, it still put a smile on my face, put a warm blanket around my heart when i received a message from her just now, guess i can' help it, i love her too god damned much.
Anyway, i really have no idea what to do now, guess I'll just have to wait. From earlier experiences i know these things work themselves out in time and time also heals most wounds. I'll always be there for her, she knows that, that's all that matters. Guess nice guys do tend to to stick around longer...haha. And to those of you who give me advice and options, thanks guys, i know you do it out of care and concern but, i guess I'll let the matter rest for now. It isn't that easy just stop loving someone, not anyone, that someone, my someone.
that's all for now, I'll blog more tmrw.
notsoHAPPYJUICE!
Basically, we went out without a plan and figured we were hungry and nothing said "i'll sate your hunger" quite like Carl's junior did. Yep, we went to Carl's junior, and we ordered like a HUGE meal, up sized. The more interesting part, apart from the meal, was the conversation e had on the way there. We hiked to the outlet at the old big splash and had a very good conversation. We spent a good amount of time talking about next year and how we'd miss everyone and the school and the times we spent together. After that, this Soviet looking dude just walked up to us b the beach and asked us for like 5 bucks for his dinner....wtf? we don't even know the dude. Anyway, at the food joint, the place was packed to the brim, literally. So, we bought our food and went to the last floor of big splash to devour our succulent meals. We barely spoke during the meal, our mouths were full the whole time. FRIES-BURGER-DRINK-REPEAT. haha, after that, on the way back, we sat across the street at a bus stop opposite the seafood place around the corner from Carl's junior and we saw this sign-if it swims, we have it-we laughed till we were on the brink of puking the contents of our now way beyond full stomach-sperms for dinner?LOL. And AJ came up with this song when we saw a really hot chick on the bus, she was so hot, watching her was like an equivalence of watching porn. "she got the boobs, the rack, i got the cock, we gotta fuck." in a really whiny kinda rap tone. damn funny. On the way back, my dad picked us up from east coast. In the car, they spent the whole time like insulting Emelia and me, calling me her bitch.....yaaadaahyaadahyaadah. Not changing the way i feel about her guys-.-
Anyway, about her........well, i really don't know what to think, or feel. all know is i love her. What she feels, i don't know, is she through with me? am i rejected? i don't know, i spoke to her friend and she told me to move on, and gotta admit, that really hurt. I don't want to move on, i love her. Maybe i will get hurt but i don't mind if it's her hurting me. To me, she is worth it. I made a promise to her, i will not give up until she tells me to move on in the face. After the cruel charade I've had with her, it still put a smile on my face, put a warm blanket around my heart when i received a message from her just now, guess i can' help it, i love her too god damned much.
Anyway, i really have no idea what to do now, guess I'll just have to wait. From earlier experiences i know these things work themselves out in time and time also heals most wounds. I'll always be there for her, she knows that, that's all that matters. Guess nice guys do tend to to stick around longer...haha. And to those of you who give me advice and options, thanks guys, i know you do it out of care and concern but, i guess I'll let the matter rest for now. It isn't that easy just stop loving someone, not anyone, that someone, my someone.
that's all for now, I'll blog more tmrw.
notsoHAPPYJUICE!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
never thought not having you here now would hurt so much
hey hey hey!!!been a while since i last blogged man.well, anyways, alot going on lately. Girls, exams, personal developments......etc. On to report them all.
Firstly, kinda messed my head up by falling into what i would is presume is love, if it was 2 sided. Humph, i met her at the carnival by the canal st pats had in joint partnership with katong convent. Yep, u heard right people, shes from kc. And since then, I've quite literally been blinded by her and my emotions for her, gotta admit, i like the feeling of having someone to invest my feelings on, HER. But, as i was brooding earlier, i can't help but feel that this thing i believe we have is one sided. I mean, i don't mean to put her on the spot or anything, but i just would like to know if she's just leading me on, and it gets so hard to ask her these things because she claims she's shy and well, words sometimes are guilty for failing me whenever i think of her. She practically prefers to communicate with me through her friends. It just sucks and rocks at the same time, it's more twisted than my freaking guts.......love; annihilation.
Moving on to something more fun and less depressing, the more important papers of my prelims are over and i have been hanging put with the guys alot, like Friday last week, the guys practically got drunk, and we like played ice and water at a playground nearby Husain's house. After that, we went to Mandarin gardens-courtesy of Matthew-and played tennis. After that, AJ and i went back to school and waited for....her....then, Thursday this week, after school, the whole gang of us went to parkway. Challenger to be exact and played fifa pro street 3 on 360 and call of duty 4 on comp. then we went to popular and ran into well, first her, then another good friend of mine, Shariah. After that, went back to school with AJ, ran into Alexus and we played pool at the cove, i owned aj's ass, 5-2. YEAH! Friday-partied at school, played guitar then went to Mandarin gardens again-thanks matt-played street soccer, and went swimming after that. That night, went out with my dad to takashimaya, damn funny, 3 guys who absolutely hate shopping trying to find particular things in a mall the size of freaking china. And today, went to funan and bought this new PC. Might go out for a movie or something next week.....dunno yet, depends.
Hmm, oh yeah, i also managed to talk to another one of my friends about my screwed up relationships, that really helped me alot, i dunno if she reads my blog but, thanks Nisha, really helped to talk to someone about it, you helped more than you think you did. She gave me good advice on how i should just clear things out with....her....and well, i guess i will, as soon as she stops ignoring me.
Hmm, i thought about alot of things over the last couple of months that i can't quite put my finger on now. I guess I'll let you guys know more about it when i can, i have a computer now so i'm guessing i'll blog more often, like every week or something.
Next week is a holiday and frankly, time to pull my already high socks a wee bit higher, just till it loses it's elasticity. I need to take a break man, i'll mugg but i'll also go out more often, just to hang and have fun. Life's way too short to spend just mugging.
Well, till next time, or week, bye.
HAPPYJUICE
(though i'm kinda confused now, emelia, you'd know why)
Firstly, kinda messed my head up by falling into what i would is presume is love, if it was 2 sided. Humph, i met her at the carnival by the canal st pats had in joint partnership with katong convent. Yep, u heard right people, shes from kc. And since then, I've quite literally been blinded by her and my emotions for her, gotta admit, i like the feeling of having someone to invest my feelings on, HER. But, as i was brooding earlier, i can't help but feel that this thing i believe we have is one sided. I mean, i don't mean to put her on the spot or anything, but i just would like to know if she's just leading me on, and it gets so hard to ask her these things because she claims she's shy and well, words sometimes are guilty for failing me whenever i think of her. She practically prefers to communicate with me through her friends. It just sucks and rocks at the same time, it's more twisted than my freaking guts.......love; annihilation.
Moving on to something more fun and less depressing, the more important papers of my prelims are over and i have been hanging put with the guys alot, like Friday last week, the guys practically got drunk, and we like played ice and water at a playground nearby Husain's house. After that, we went to Mandarin gardens-courtesy of Matthew-and played tennis. After that, AJ and i went back to school and waited for....her....then, Thursday this week, after school, the whole gang of us went to parkway. Challenger to be exact and played fifa pro street 3 on 360 and call of duty 4 on comp. then we went to popular and ran into well, first her, then another good friend of mine, Shariah. After that, went back to school with AJ, ran into Alexus and we played pool at the cove, i owned aj's ass, 5-2. YEAH! Friday-partied at school, played guitar then went to Mandarin gardens again-thanks matt-played street soccer, and went swimming after that. That night, went out with my dad to takashimaya, damn funny, 3 guys who absolutely hate shopping trying to find particular things in a mall the size of freaking china. And today, went to funan and bought this new PC. Might go out for a movie or something next week.....dunno yet, depends.
Hmm, oh yeah, i also managed to talk to another one of my friends about my screwed up relationships, that really helped me alot, i dunno if she reads my blog but, thanks Nisha, really helped to talk to someone about it, you helped more than you think you did. She gave me good advice on how i should just clear things out with....her....and well, i guess i will, as soon as she stops ignoring me.
Hmm, i thought about alot of things over the last couple of months that i can't quite put my finger on now. I guess I'll let you guys know more about it when i can, i have a computer now so i'm guessing i'll blog more often, like every week or something.
Next week is a holiday and frankly, time to pull my already high socks a wee bit higher, just till it loses it's elasticity. I need to take a break man, i'll mugg but i'll also go out more often, just to hang and have fun. Life's way too short to spend just mugging.
Well, till next time, or week, bye.
HAPPYJUICE
(though i'm kinda confused now, emelia, you'd know why)
Friday, July 11, 2008
city lit by fireflies, they're advertising in the skies for people like US
Hey ho, decided to blog again today. Lately, nothing really interesting has been going on in my life i decided to blog anyway to throw my thoughts for the past week on my blog. Having gcp everyday until like 5 plus....get home and have to study again.....shit...
On the brighter side, i managed to get the book eclipse this week, i got it from one of them rajeevan's sister's friend. The book is a hell lot more interesting than new moon, particularly because i got to read more on Edward. However, i hate that Jacob has to get more and more hurt--seeing as to i can sympathise most with him...I also seem to be marvelled by the fact that Edward and Bella really are in love despite all odds against them.
Moving on, i pondered alot about stuff over this week....the bulk of it on love--for those of you who know me well enough, u know what i mean. I also began wondering why the heck my mom seems to want to keep me out of any relationship with any special person until she dies....this sucks. I've really grown to like this special someone over the course of time I've liked her, to a point that i don't even look at other girls desiringly....the best part, this person hasn't the slightest idea of my feelings for her. She's probably gonna read this blog and not know who the hell i am talking about....O well, even if she asked me who, I'd probably not tell her....Such a coward i am....I guess i might as well do what i was told--advice from a girl herself...wait....patience is a virtue....when I'm ready(this was a month back...i quarrelled with my mom when i told her that i like this girl and no matter what she did, i ain't gonna cave to her demands, i stood alone...ALL alone.
The good thing about this week is, i managed to talk about my inner feelings with someone who surprisingly didn't call me a hobo...gotta say, it felt good, to talk about my feelings proud and unafraid...also got some good advice from this person. I really liked that.
Oh wells, library's about to close soon, i gtg now...till next time...bb
HAPPYJUICE!
(this is the truth, this week made me happy--really)
On the brighter side, i managed to get the book eclipse this week, i got it from one of them rajeevan's sister's friend. The book is a hell lot more interesting than new moon, particularly because i got to read more on Edward. However, i hate that Jacob has to get more and more hurt--seeing as to i can sympathise most with him...I also seem to be marvelled by the fact that Edward and Bella really are in love despite all odds against them.
Moving on, i pondered alot about stuff over this week....the bulk of it on love--for those of you who know me well enough, u know what i mean. I also began wondering why the heck my mom seems to want to keep me out of any relationship with any special person until she dies....this sucks. I've really grown to like this special someone over the course of time I've liked her, to a point that i don't even look at other girls desiringly....the best part, this person hasn't the slightest idea of my feelings for her. She's probably gonna read this blog and not know who the hell i am talking about....O well, even if she asked me who, I'd probably not tell her....Such a coward i am....I guess i might as well do what i was told--advice from a girl herself...wait....patience is a virtue....when I'm ready(this was a month back...i quarrelled with my mom when i told her that i like this girl and no matter what she did, i ain't gonna cave to her demands, i stood alone...ALL alone.
The good thing about this week is, i managed to talk about my inner feelings with someone who surprisingly didn't call me a hobo...gotta say, it felt good, to talk about my feelings proud and unafraid...also got some good advice from this person. I really liked that.
Oh wells, library's about to close soon, i gtg now...till next time...bb
HAPPYJUICE!
(this is the truth, this week made me happy--really)
Saturday, July 5, 2008
the more i see the less i know
So it's been a while--a damn long while--since i last blogged. Lots of shit happened in that time, for one, i broke my guitar, and of course got a new one. Went for NCDCC camp, got into alot of trouble, and made closer relations with a couple of friends.
I realised how a friend of mine completely hates herself for a no good reason, not that there really is any good reason for one to hate herself. I tried to explain that to her and then, it came to my attention that i should just take the time to look into her eyes and see, see her sorrow. Then i thought to myself, in this ever changing maglev train we call a world, in this mundane and vicious cycle of events in which we are trapped in; with the excuse of it being called our life, no one actually cares for anyone else. We never take the time to think about someone else, and want to put a smile on any ones face. We are too preoccupied with ourselves-correction-We choose to be preoccupied with our lives, well aware of our lives being quite stagnant and well, not anything fancy to be preoccupied with. Hence, from now on, i am gonna do what ever it takes to put a smile on the faces of everyone i care about. I'll take the first step to genuinely give a crap about others, to do something to make ppl happy, even if it doesn't last, as long as they smile when they're with me.
Got into the habit of reading, decided to begin the habit by reading the twilight series-by recommendations by a couple of friends. However, i am currently unable to read the entire series, the fourth book isn't out yet and the third book is on loan in every library I've been to, the school library doesn't have the book on their catalogue either. The book is actually pretty damn interesting, i read the first 2 books in under 4 days, and right now, i still am captivated by the story. There is one particular situation which i can relate to very well--the situation Jacob black is in, loving bella and hauntingly aware that bella only wants a friendship and even if she wanted more than that, that relationship would be not workable, not feasible....this girl i like,...well, i don't think she is inters ted in a relationship, well at least not with me.
Anyways
I got alot of studying to do over the next 4 months, after that.......my imagination takes over. FUN.......to the highest level available. No more held back fun, whole hearted fun, i can afford to break a couple of bones, perhaps lose my sanity to the zenith of fun I'll be captured by will in. However, until the fun strikes, I'll have to slave in the fields of education to end the rapture of the O's.
Oh wells, thats all for now.
WHERE IS THE LOVE PEOPLE?
I realised how a friend of mine completely hates herself for a no good reason, not that there really is any good reason for one to hate herself. I tried to explain that to her and then, it came to my attention that i should just take the time to look into her eyes and see, see her sorrow. Then i thought to myself, in this ever changing maglev train we call a world, in this mundane and vicious cycle of events in which we are trapped in; with the excuse of it being called our life, no one actually cares for anyone else. We never take the time to think about someone else, and want to put a smile on any ones face. We are too preoccupied with ourselves-correction-We choose to be preoccupied with our lives, well aware of our lives being quite stagnant and well, not anything fancy to be preoccupied with. Hence, from now on, i am gonna do what ever it takes to put a smile on the faces of everyone i care about. I'll take the first step to genuinely give a crap about others, to do something to make ppl happy, even if it doesn't last, as long as they smile when they're with me.
Got into the habit of reading, decided to begin the habit by reading the twilight series-by recommendations by a couple of friends. However, i am currently unable to read the entire series, the fourth book isn't out yet and the third book is on loan in every library I've been to, the school library doesn't have the book on their catalogue either. The book is actually pretty damn interesting, i read the first 2 books in under 4 days, and right now, i still am captivated by the story. There is one particular situation which i can relate to very well--the situation Jacob black is in, loving bella and hauntingly aware that bella only wants a friendship and even if she wanted more than that, that relationship would be not workable, not feasible....this girl i like,...well, i don't think she is inters ted in a relationship, well at least not with me.
Anyways
I got alot of studying to do over the next 4 months, after that.......my imagination takes over. FUN.......to the highest level available. No more held back fun, whole hearted fun, i can afford to break a couple of bones, perhaps lose my sanity to the zenith of fun I'll be captured by will in. However, until the fun strikes, I'll have to slave in the fields of education to end the rapture of the O's.
Oh wells, thats all for now.
WHERE IS THE LOVE PEOPLE?
Monday, May 26, 2008
space may be the final frontier but it's made in a hollywood basement
Hey ppl, long time since i blogged, in fact, it;s been a while since i came online at all.Been grounded this past couple of weeks and it is rumoured to continue throughout the june holidays.I have school almost everyday of the holidays, and i still have to do my own revision of my whole upper secondary learning. Anyways, i realised that i'm not gonna see the usual people i do for the next month, that kinda sucks.Have an NCDCC camp in june too. Dunno how i am gonna cope with all the extra lessons at school and the study time at home after the school time.
Oh wells, life.Moving on, i realise how I've wasted my time screwing around with unimportant social activities that can wait until after the O's this year. So, alas! no more.I shall now be more focused on my education.I will not completely abandon my social life but i will desert it for a bit, just the next 6 months. I am gonna mugg day and some times night to make it to the jc of my choice.
Had my tamil o'level examinations today and i feel free.I have finally completed my 10 years of education in the field of tamil and i intend to keep my level of education in tamil stagnated at 10 years. The paper was relatively easy, i rarely lost marks in paper 2 and in paper one, i am quite sure i made a reasonable amount of spelling errors but the content in it should cover up for a decent grade.
I also made a realisation that i really cannot trust anyone with anything, not even my dad, kinda feel lost now, i have no one to confide in. Can't talk to anybody freely anymore, the world is a verbal war. I feel very suppressed now, can't tell my best friends everything, i figured that they might call me a hobo or something.
On a brighter note, caught Indiana Jones with alexus at vivo on Saturday, got a free pair of tickets, the movie was reasonably good, but way too fucking long. I wanted to take her instead of alexus but i had no means of contacting her and i would probably feel awkward around her alone. This june is really gonna be time for me to straighten out my life, my eyes have finally been opened by recent events to the fact that all this time, when i thought that i was happy, i was mere just blissfully unaware of how miserable and headed for a dead end i was. Now i know truly that i was miserable and am miserable. That can be changed, first with the removal of my heart and it's dealings and it's feelings for everyone. Next, with the systematic alienation of myself from my family and finally, channelling all my energy to mugging and practicing.
Well, thats all for today and i guess this entry will have to do for a while, i am not gonna be coming online too much anymore. So if anyone need to contact me, i still have my phone, and you have my number.
HAPPYJUICE!
(-.- yea right)
Oh wells, life.Moving on, i realise how I've wasted my time screwing around with unimportant social activities that can wait until after the O's this year. So, alas! no more.I shall now be more focused on my education.I will not completely abandon my social life but i will desert it for a bit, just the next 6 months. I am gonna mugg day and some times night to make it to the jc of my choice.
Had my tamil o'level examinations today and i feel free.I have finally completed my 10 years of education in the field of tamil and i intend to keep my level of education in tamil stagnated at 10 years. The paper was relatively easy, i rarely lost marks in paper 2 and in paper one, i am quite sure i made a reasonable amount of spelling errors but the content in it should cover up for a decent grade.
I also made a realisation that i really cannot trust anyone with anything, not even my dad, kinda feel lost now, i have no one to confide in. Can't talk to anybody freely anymore, the world is a verbal war. I feel very suppressed now, can't tell my best friends everything, i figured that they might call me a hobo or something.
On a brighter note, caught Indiana Jones with alexus at vivo on Saturday, got a free pair of tickets, the movie was reasonably good, but way too fucking long. I wanted to take her instead of alexus but i had no means of contacting her and i would probably feel awkward around her alone. This june is really gonna be time for me to straighten out my life, my eyes have finally been opened by recent events to the fact that all this time, when i thought that i was happy, i was mere just blissfully unaware of how miserable and headed for a dead end i was. Now i know truly that i was miserable and am miserable. That can be changed, first with the removal of my heart and it's dealings and it's feelings for everyone. Next, with the systematic alienation of myself from my family and finally, channelling all my energy to mugging and practicing.
Well, thats all for today and i guess this entry will have to do for a while, i am not gonna be coming online too much anymore. So if anyone need to contact me, i still have my phone, and you have my number.
HAPPYJUICE!
(-.- yea right)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
GROUNDED!
Hey ppl, i'm grounded...and it completely sucks, my bad results were pinned on me using too much computer and guitar. Well i can't exactly deny that now can i? so yea, gotta abide by the rules they set. Anyways , my number is 81397907, if any of you need to contact me for whatever reason cuz i won't be online too much. Hiaz, today was a wasted day. Idid nothing more than play guitar, the same old shit again and again. Learnt how to play Jazon mrazs i'm yours, my capo finally came in useful.
Hmm, made no realisations today, guess this is one of those days i dun actually think about anything but more like just wallow in whatever it is i have brought upon myself. I mean, i got so bored today, i was actually reading about dreams, the science of it. Turns out, as random and mystical those visions of shit that probably never happen are actually visual conceptions of the brain, you have been subconsciously thinking about it. And subconsciously are steering the dream into the uncharted realms of time.
Fought with my mom today. I found out how walking away can fix alot of problems, it's like an unwritten law most men follow.
Rule number 1: If you end up in a quarrel with a woman, walk away. It is not in their nature to listen.
My mom kept insisting that i keep telling her only half of my reason. I mean, it's probably because there was only half worth telling, the other was her. Anyway, i just ignored her all day and it seems to have worked out pretty damn well.
Been lovesick over someone i can't say for the whole damn day, i was singing some uber emo love song by death cab for a cutie, i will follow you into the dark. I sang this like 12 times, each time in deep thought about that person...what in the hell is wrong with me? I mean, i just feel weird whenever i see that person, she makes me wanna like.....blah. I can't even string 2 words to make small talk with her. I sing about her but somehow i doubt i'll ever sing for her....i think of her and i guess that is as close i'll ever get. Oh well, i guess she's better off without me and i am probably better off without her. Love is like a child of an endless war, a star of destruction, love is an open wound still raw, a tide of destruction, a mutilation, a subjugation, annihilation. And somehow, i feel i am trapped in this mysterious distance between a man and a woman, I'm attracted to her fatally and i just can't say a damn thing. Ah well, happens to the best of us. Rejection the first time was painful, but i picked up the pieces, moved on and the last thing i need is another rejection. So, i will not say a damn thing this time, this puppy love of mine can just die from the effects of emotional weathering over time. Just friends. Thats all i need and thats all i'll get. Tragic but necessary. O's are around the corner and i will not be vulnerable when it comes.
Oh well, all mushy over her, spent my whole day not even thinking but more like picturing her in my head, just her smile.
alas, no more.
Thats all for today, dunno when i can blog again, I'm grounded. But nevertheless, u have my number now, call/sms. I could use the conversation.
HAPPYJUICE!
Hmm, made no realisations today, guess this is one of those days i dun actually think about anything but more like just wallow in whatever it is i have brought upon myself. I mean, i got so bored today, i was actually reading about dreams, the science of it. Turns out, as random and mystical those visions of shit that probably never happen are actually visual conceptions of the brain, you have been subconsciously thinking about it. And subconsciously are steering the dream into the uncharted realms of time.
Fought with my mom today. I found out how walking away can fix alot of problems, it's like an unwritten law most men follow.
Rule number 1: If you end up in a quarrel with a woman, walk away. It is not in their nature to listen.
My mom kept insisting that i keep telling her only half of my reason. I mean, it's probably because there was only half worth telling, the other was her. Anyway, i just ignored her all day and it seems to have worked out pretty damn well.
Been lovesick over someone i can't say for the whole damn day, i was singing some uber emo love song by death cab for a cutie, i will follow you into the dark. I sang this like 12 times, each time in deep thought about that person...what in the hell is wrong with me? I mean, i just feel weird whenever i see that person, she makes me wanna like.....blah. I can't even string 2 words to make small talk with her. I sing about her but somehow i doubt i'll ever sing for her....i think of her and i guess that is as close i'll ever get. Oh well, i guess she's better off without me and i am probably better off without her. Love is like a child of an endless war, a star of destruction, love is an open wound still raw, a tide of destruction, a mutilation, a subjugation, annihilation. And somehow, i feel i am trapped in this mysterious distance between a man and a woman, I'm attracted to her fatally and i just can't say a damn thing. Ah well, happens to the best of us. Rejection the first time was painful, but i picked up the pieces, moved on and the last thing i need is another rejection. So, i will not say a damn thing this time, this puppy love of mine can just die from the effects of emotional weathering over time. Just friends. Thats all i need and thats all i'll get. Tragic but necessary. O's are around the corner and i will not be vulnerable when it comes.
Oh well, all mushy over her, spent my whole day not even thinking but more like picturing her in my head, just her smile.
alas, no more.
Thats all for today, dunno when i can blog again, I'm grounded. But nevertheless, u have my number now, call/sms. I could use the conversation.
HAPPYJUICE!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
If tomorrow never comes.....?
Alright, today was damn fun despite me getting shit results which probably will ground me for the next month or so but i doubt i'll feel the difference seeing as to I will subject myself to several hours of study and very little slack time for the rest of the year, starting the day after vesak day next week. Anyways, todays timetable was damn boring, the only interesting thing that happened today at school was only the second official O level physics SPA. We did the jockey crap, to investigate the rate of heat lost, power produced or heat dissipated varied with the length of the resistance wire. Other than that, today was BORING! we did virtually nothing, all we had was chem and eng, RME and tamil(turned up half an hour late). To add to zenith of boredom we were in, Ms Teng didn't turn up to school.
After school today it was raining cats and dogs. Rajeevan and I hiked in the heavy, HEAVY rain to KFC for a simple shrooms burger meal. We got drenched, soaked but the shrooms burger was worth it, or at least that was the notion we had while the burger was still in our hands, being carefully devoured. We stayed at KFC for a while more, just till the rain subsided; We didn't fancy getting wet in the rain for no apparent reason. However, lets just say it didn't work out, we played in the rain all the way to the bus stop. We were perpetually freezing on the bus....the bus driver must have cranked the air conditioner to the lowest temperature he could get it. NEVER HIKE TO KFC FOR ANYTHING IN THE HEAVY RAIN. It's not worth the freeze on the bus after that.
Today my RME teacher asked me the most profound thing in my life. What is the meaning of your life? One question only my death and perhaps the eulogy that follows it can answer. So, i have decided to write my own eulogy by living my life in the way that i want to and plan the way i want it to end each day. I never know when i'm gonna die and have to be prepared for death any time. I may sound weird talking about death but how long are we gonna avoid talking about it huh? We all are headed to it, in fact the only thing certain at birth and at any other point in time would be death. We began dying the day we were born. From now on, i am gonna say what i feel and mean every word of it to whoever it is i am saying it to, i am gonna be genuine(not that i ever was fake), and i am gonna live each day like it were my last, cherish every moment of it. I'm gonna say i love you to everyone that i do everyday, every time i talk to them. Sure the three words may be a bit cliche but as long as i know and they know i mean it, tomorrow not coming becomes immaterial.
Well, tmrw is fridays timetable....YES! No tamil!!!! and school ends at 12.40pm. No plans for tmrw tho, probably stay back a while at school to talk cock with the clique and that'll be all i suppose; But who knows what adventure tmrw may bring huh?
HAPPYJUICE!
After school today it was raining cats and dogs. Rajeevan and I hiked in the heavy, HEAVY rain to KFC for a simple shrooms burger meal. We got drenched, soaked but the shrooms burger was worth it, or at least that was the notion we had while the burger was still in our hands, being carefully devoured. We stayed at KFC for a while more, just till the rain subsided; We didn't fancy getting wet in the rain for no apparent reason. However, lets just say it didn't work out, we played in the rain all the way to the bus stop. We were perpetually freezing on the bus....the bus driver must have cranked the air conditioner to the lowest temperature he could get it. NEVER HIKE TO KFC FOR ANYTHING IN THE HEAVY RAIN. It's not worth the freeze on the bus after that.
Today my RME teacher asked me the most profound thing in my life. What is the meaning of your life? One question only my death and perhaps the eulogy that follows it can answer. So, i have decided to write my own eulogy by living my life in the way that i want to and plan the way i want it to end each day. I never know when i'm gonna die and have to be prepared for death any time. I may sound weird talking about death but how long are we gonna avoid talking about it huh? We all are headed to it, in fact the only thing certain at birth and at any other point in time would be death. We began dying the day we were born. From now on, i am gonna say what i feel and mean every word of it to whoever it is i am saying it to, i am gonna be genuine(not that i ever was fake), and i am gonna live each day like it were my last, cherish every moment of it. I'm gonna say i love you to everyone that i do everyday, every time i talk to them. Sure the three words may be a bit cliche but as long as i know and they know i mean it, tomorrow not coming becomes immaterial.
Well, tmrw is fridays timetable....YES! No tamil!!!! and school ends at 12.40pm. No plans for tmrw tho, probably stay back a while at school to talk cock with the clique and that'll be all i suppose; But who knows what adventure tmrw may bring huh?
HAPPYJUICE!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Reality strikes
Hey ppl, today reality strikes, the stone cold truth. My results came back and well, to be honest, i kinda expected these results. Fact is, i've been too distracted with too much shit this past couple of months. So, thank god i did badly for most subjects this term, i can put my june hols to good use, i finally have a reason to mugg like there really is no tomorrow. I failed a'maths, got a C5 for e;maths(dunno how, shld have studied), got C5'es for physics and chem. Thankfully, i got a2 for bio. Failed combined humanities, all thanks to social studies. Pearl Ong really has no idea how to mark a social studies paper, i did it the same way last year when Mr. Gill marked it and got a b3 unlike now, an exponent of last years grade. Haven't got back my English results as yet but i doubt i did too well for letter writing, my grammar and vocab along with the sentence structure and organisation and content was quite satisfactory but i think I'll get heavily penalised for using the wrong format for the letter.
Ahh well, life moves on. On a lighter note, after school today was damn fun, especially in the toilet. The stupid things we do there really are funny. Ten years from now, i'd still laugh as hard when i think about it. Went to siglap 7-11 after skool with a.j and ran into rajevan there. LOL, a.j stole a cadbury chocolate bar, but i'm just as guilty, i took half of it....sure it was a bad thing but really, it;s a simple pleasure of life.
I guess i really have to start studying like tmrw or Thursday or something, can't afford these shit results for my prelims now can i? Plans for the weekend have been cancelled, i ought to spend it studying. Might meet Yz again, we seem to get alot done when we actually study together, though i doubt we'll be able to cover as much when we study physics or smthn. Really dunno how to tell my parents my results and worse, dunno what the heck i'm gonna justify my results with. I can't possibly tell them i was distracted and spent more time doing anything but studying.
Friday is the X-country at bedok reservoir, really not a big fan of just running for no reason, so i'm not exactly looking forward to the event of friday though i am happy for the early dismissal. Think we might play soccer or smthn around there after the run. Monday is also a holiday.....yay! Vesak day! Might go to orchard to hang with the guys again and this time, i won;t abandon them to watch IRONMAN or any other movie.
Hiaz, life really is giving me lemons and i happen not to know how to make lemonade, few other screwed up things like i just deleted my dad's company's balance sheets not knowing what i was doing.....and some things i simply can't blog about, too personal have happened lately. Don;t even have the mood to strum my heart out nowadays, i'm listening to sad, slow and depressing music.....wtf?
alright, thats all the time i've got for today, My dad's pissed with me, shit!
(not so happy)HAPPYJUICE!
Ahh well, life moves on. On a lighter note, after school today was damn fun, especially in the toilet. The stupid things we do there really are funny. Ten years from now, i'd still laugh as hard when i think about it. Went to siglap 7-11 after skool with a.j and ran into rajevan there. LOL, a.j stole a cadbury chocolate bar, but i'm just as guilty, i took half of it....sure it was a bad thing but really, it;s a simple pleasure of life.
I guess i really have to start studying like tmrw or Thursday or something, can't afford these shit results for my prelims now can i? Plans for the weekend have been cancelled, i ought to spend it studying. Might meet Yz again, we seem to get alot done when we actually study together, though i doubt we'll be able to cover as much when we study physics or smthn. Really dunno how to tell my parents my results and worse, dunno what the heck i'm gonna justify my results with. I can't possibly tell them i was distracted and spent more time doing anything but studying.
Friday is the X-country at bedok reservoir, really not a big fan of just running for no reason, so i'm not exactly looking forward to the event of friday though i am happy for the early dismissal. Think we might play soccer or smthn around there after the run. Monday is also a holiday.....yay! Vesak day! Might go to orchard to hang with the guys again and this time, i won;t abandon them to watch IRONMAN or any other movie.
Hiaz, life really is giving me lemons and i happen not to know how to make lemonade, few other screwed up things like i just deleted my dad's company's balance sheets not knowing what i was doing.....and some things i simply can't blog about, too personal have happened lately. Don;t even have the mood to strum my heart out nowadays, i'm listening to sad, slow and depressing music.....wtf?
alright, thats all the time i've got for today, My dad's pissed with me, shit!
(not so happy)HAPPYJUICE!
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