Ok, it's been a while since i last blogged, it's not that i didn't get the time to anything. It's just that the recent events in my life aren't too happy, and i simply didn't think i had the strength to blog about them because, I'd have to remember them and why in the world would i wanna remember bad things?
Anyways, the biggest, most sad event in my life-inspired by one person, you-keeps popping in my head, day or night. So heck, might as well blog about the others, since my excuse for not blogging was recalling.
Firstly, my academic life has become a hopeless derailed train, skidding on thin ice that's headed for the edge of the earth. I got twenty fucking 2 points for the prelims, and that my friends, makes me officially stupid. Then again, the whole level did horribly, the top scorer had 13 points. WTF? Not too late to change the direction i realise, i am studying like mad now-mad!
The most heartlessly cold thing that happened was, Her (or if you happen to read this, you.). She has no idea the cycle of events she triggered in my little already overflowing brain. She never really rejects me, tells me she had feelings for me before, not anymore. Says that it wasn't me screwing up, but something else that she can't explain. She says i am being too nice, i don't get mad at her even when she was in the wrong. I have a reason, i do get pissed, but when you talk to me, my anger vanishes. You fix my problems, just by being there, talking to me. She also says that i began to behave a Little like her ex. Fuck. I know that i am a random, stupid, harebrained little bugger, but do have a code of rules by which i live my life, and breaking your heart in any way, is considered to be an unpardonable action. I would never, not under any balls snapping condition, hurt you or treat you the way that stupid son of a fucking promiscuous bitch of a whore treated you. It's been two weeks since we've spoken or even seen each other.
Just so she knows, i still am waiting for you, when you need me, I'll be right here. Just call me, and I'll come running. I know, it has to be a godsend if you read this but i have to try.
I've been told to move on by all the people who actually give an honest crap about me. I want to move on too, but i can't. Simply can't, i made a promise to her a while back that i'd wait for her for as long as i'll have to, and i can't break that promise, I'll keep waiting.
Going on to something a little more well, i won't say happy, but not doomed. I am actually making a serious effort to study now, i even study combine humanities now. Went to Macs with Nisha on Thursday last week to study. I didn't expect to study at all, but surprisingly, we actually managed to get work done. Also went out to le pak(or relax) with Kelvin and Gerard on Saturday. We did absolutely nothing. Hung out at macs for a bit, then went to Yamaha to get out high-e strings and then, went to a block near Church to sit, talk and rocco. Went to attend novena service after that.
Okay, I'm not going to pretend i am happy here, I'm not. I'm just holding back the tears and misery till after the O's. I can't afford to let my emotions to get the better of me now. 2 more months till i can freely just let it all out. 27 days and counting down, to the beginning of the damned O's, I've decided to take on a more optimistic view of it, I'll face it like a man, like there is nothing they can test me on that i don't know.
What happened to me? I used to be a normal, oh-so-happy teenager just a few months back, as soon as a girl walks into my life, BOOM. It ceases to be anywhere near happy. Every time i fell for a girl(a grand total of 2 times in my short life) my heart breaks to so many pieces, i need a freaking broom and dust pan to pick up the pieces.
nothappyyetindifferentJUICE!
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