Ok, today was generally damn fun. Went to school for a'maths this morning. After that, went to Mandarin gardens for badminton! and i borrowed Battlefield 2 from Matthew and he also game me fifa street 2 for psp. All damn fun games. Played badminton after that. Before we went back, we played a bit of guitar, Gerard brought hi. And, we sparred. Yes, you heard me right, i sparred too. With Gerard, Rajeevan and kelvin. Stood through all the fights, so far, i haven't lost any battles. Man, if i knew it was this fun, I'd have started the whole sparring thing a long time ago.
Anyway, today was also a horrible day, i spent it without her. She smsed me like around 2 plus and I've been hung up on it since. Now, i don't start conversations and all, since there is another guy involved and all, i figured it's best i love her from a distance. I don't want to be a toerag to her, like a freaking shadow you don't want. She also chatted with me on msn earlier, then she just stopped replying after a while, like it always happens even by sms. It would be really stupid if i become close to her like we're having a relationship and one day she sez we're only friends, the relationships stops there; friends. I'll always be here, by now she'd know at least that and that i haven't given up, i don't want to.
Today i also pondered about how short life can be, at Matt's place, his dad was talking about this dude who took his Bros car out for a drive and crashed it and died that instant. The dude was also Alexus's friend. So, life can be really short. Am i ready to die? have i done all i can to contribute to the world? have i said all i need? Have i lived a fruitful life? Will i be missed, by who? Will people turn up to my funeral? Will my eulogy be a good one? There was also a long list of questions about love where the ink is never dry. So many questions and only one lifetime to answer them all. I decided I'll start with the simplest of things, if i die, did i tell all whom i love that i love them, my parents, my family, my friends, her, everyone? I doubt death would be graceful enough to permit me to say a final goodbye to them all. So, for the record, if i die anytime soon and i don't get a chance to let you all know, I LOVE YOU all, mom dad, Pat, Ben, and YOU my dear; you know who you are. I realised that when the book of my life is written, i want it to be a regret free one, i wanna have tried all good things and made all around me happy. I wanna have loved those i love all i can. So, i will say what i feel and mean it to whoever it is i am saying it to. I don't want there to be a chapter on enmity in the book of my life, i don't have any enemies, and i plan to keep it that way.
I also thought alot about many abstract things and they all have one thing in common, they all root back to her, cos the truth of the matter is, i can't pass a minute without her in my head. So, there is really no point in me telling you guys more about the things i pondered about today, I'll just bore you with more lovey dovey emotions i have. So, before i end this post, i just wanna say before it's too late to say it to her, i love you, with all my heart, take my heart, keep it. It's yours, you can throw it, i don't want it back from you ever. I don't think I'll ever get a chance to say it to her judging by the way things are now, but nevertheless, i got it off my chest now. She may never know and i may never say but now we all know, and she still doesn't know...haha.
HAPPYJUICE!
(I'll have to believe this for now)
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