In a world so big, it's not easy to choose, which pawn to move.
Can't agree more, in this diverse yet incredibly limited world, it's not easy to choose-people, choices, events, anything. Today was a really wasted day as far as academics would go, i barely studied consciously. I did however, skim through physics and chem and bio. The only real work that i did do today was A'maths- i know i suck at it but if I'm gonna fail it, i gotta do it with some dignity.
Spent the entire day at home, i keep putting off this trip to peninsula to get clothes and a couple of other things like guitar strings and what not, for a while now. I should probably get down to getting over with the shopping-ugh- by tomorrow.
I'll cut my monologue short, today was spent without her completely, not even a decent hi today. It really hurt. But there really is no point in telling you anonymous people out there about my feelings is there? So wa-lah, I'll wallow in my misery in the privacy of the night and my room.
On to something a little more happy. Well, to be crudely honest, nothing happy has been going on in my life lately, just alot of high drama sad stuff that i don't seem to respond to with much interest or distaste, no drama from me. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong in my life has seemingly gone wrong. And i frankly can no longer be bothered by it, just study and do what i do best-keep on keeping on; LIFE IS A GARDEN, DIG IT!(quoting the oh-so-famous Joe dirt). There is one thing though that will never get off my mind, you guessed it, her.
I just so happen to spend the last week or so of my right now not too attractive life, in complete and absolute boredom, not finding solace in playing guitar or the rather abstract, juvenile and stupid things i usually do like putting insects in my microwave. I have finally stopped masking my emotions, i cry when it hurts, i laugh when its funny, punch me i bleed. I've grown up and i seriously want back to adolescent denial. I don't like having to make mature decisions to satisfy myself and no one else. Some part of me is compelling me to make mature decisions and the other minority of me wants to break free, do things for no reason, to just do things and not care about the consequences; RULE number one when you're a Patrician: Do not care about the consequences, just do what you want. The rest of the world can just fuck the hell off. Well, news flash, it just ain't working for me. I don't give a flying fuck about what the world thinks or has to say but, i do know that a certain sense of mature rationality would lead me to believe that some things i used to do not too long ago were really really stupid to the bone, not even sideshow Bob would find it amusing.
I spent the most part of my day just thinking of random shit, when she was not on my mind of course. That was like a fraction of a second every few hours. But anyhow, as the title of this entry suggests, i thought about how i made every last one of my decisions. Some were a very basic, animal level. Others were made on a higher level of understanding of things, a more rational level. Not all my decisions are well thought through, some may even be made on a basis of losing a match of rock paper scissors. Other more important ones, i think through. Did i make these decisions myself or has some higher being always influenced or guided me along these turns? Ironically, only god would know.
Well, i thought about alot of other things that probably will never affect me in this lifetime and even more things related to well, her. So, i shall not elaborate on any of them, seems i am wasting my time and infringing my own privacy by telling a number of perhaps harebrained, anonymous and ignorant strangers about my feelings, not that i meant any offence.
I am guessing thats all i got for tonight, as far as not repeating myself would go. So later people, ciao!
HAPPY-yet confused-JUICE!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder, let your clarity difine you.
Ok, today was generally damn fun. Went to school for a'maths this morning. After that, went to Mandarin gardens for badminton! and i borrowed Battlefield 2 from Matthew and he also game me fifa street 2 for psp. All damn fun games. Played badminton after that. Before we went back, we played a bit of guitar, Gerard brought hi. And, we sparred. Yes, you heard me right, i sparred too. With Gerard, Rajeevan and kelvin. Stood through all the fights, so far, i haven't lost any battles. Man, if i knew it was this fun, I'd have started the whole sparring thing a long time ago.
Anyway, today was also a horrible day, i spent it without her. She smsed me like around 2 plus and I've been hung up on it since. Now, i don't start conversations and all, since there is another guy involved and all, i figured it's best i love her from a distance. I don't want to be a toerag to her, like a freaking shadow you don't want. She also chatted with me on msn earlier, then she just stopped replying after a while, like it always happens even by sms. It would be really stupid if i become close to her like we're having a relationship and one day she sez we're only friends, the relationships stops there; friends. I'll always be here, by now she'd know at least that and that i haven't given up, i don't want to.
Today i also pondered about how short life can be, at Matt's place, his dad was talking about this dude who took his Bros car out for a drive and crashed it and died that instant. The dude was also Alexus's friend. So, life can be really short. Am i ready to die? have i done all i can to contribute to the world? have i said all i need? Have i lived a fruitful life? Will i be missed, by who? Will people turn up to my funeral? Will my eulogy be a good one? There was also a long list of questions about love where the ink is never dry. So many questions and only one lifetime to answer them all. I decided I'll start with the simplest of things, if i die, did i tell all whom i love that i love them, my parents, my family, my friends, her, everyone? I doubt death would be graceful enough to permit me to say a final goodbye to them all. So, for the record, if i die anytime soon and i don't get a chance to let you all know, I LOVE YOU all, mom dad, Pat, Ben, and YOU my dear; you know who you are. I realised that when the book of my life is written, i want it to be a regret free one, i wanna have tried all good things and made all around me happy. I wanna have loved those i love all i can. So, i will say what i feel and mean it to whoever it is i am saying it to. I don't want there to be a chapter on enmity in the book of my life, i don't have any enemies, and i plan to keep it that way.
I also thought alot about many abstract things and they all have one thing in common, they all root back to her, cos the truth of the matter is, i can't pass a minute without her in my head. So, there is really no point in me telling you guys more about the things i pondered about today, I'll just bore you with more lovey dovey emotions i have. So, before i end this post, i just wanna say before it's too late to say it to her, i love you, with all my heart, take my heart, keep it. It's yours, you can throw it, i don't want it back from you ever. I don't think I'll ever get a chance to say it to her judging by the way things are now, but nevertheless, i got it off my chest now. She may never know and i may never say but now we all know, and she still doesn't know...haha.
HAPPYJUICE!
(I'll have to believe this for now)
Anyway, today was also a horrible day, i spent it without her. She smsed me like around 2 plus and I've been hung up on it since. Now, i don't start conversations and all, since there is another guy involved and all, i figured it's best i love her from a distance. I don't want to be a toerag to her, like a freaking shadow you don't want. She also chatted with me on msn earlier, then she just stopped replying after a while, like it always happens even by sms. It would be really stupid if i become close to her like we're having a relationship and one day she sez we're only friends, the relationships stops there; friends. I'll always be here, by now she'd know at least that and that i haven't given up, i don't want to.
Today i also pondered about how short life can be, at Matt's place, his dad was talking about this dude who took his Bros car out for a drive and crashed it and died that instant. The dude was also Alexus's friend. So, life can be really short. Am i ready to die? have i done all i can to contribute to the world? have i said all i need? Have i lived a fruitful life? Will i be missed, by who? Will people turn up to my funeral? Will my eulogy be a good one? There was also a long list of questions about love where the ink is never dry. So many questions and only one lifetime to answer them all. I decided I'll start with the simplest of things, if i die, did i tell all whom i love that i love them, my parents, my family, my friends, her, everyone? I doubt death would be graceful enough to permit me to say a final goodbye to them all. So, for the record, if i die anytime soon and i don't get a chance to let you all know, I LOVE YOU all, mom dad, Pat, Ben, and YOU my dear; you know who you are. I realised that when the book of my life is written, i want it to be a regret free one, i wanna have tried all good things and made all around me happy. I wanna have loved those i love all i can. So, i will say what i feel and mean it to whoever it is i am saying it to. I don't want there to be a chapter on enmity in the book of my life, i don't have any enemies, and i plan to keep it that way.
I also thought alot about many abstract things and they all have one thing in common, they all root back to her, cos the truth of the matter is, i can't pass a minute without her in my head. So, there is really no point in me telling you guys more about the things i pondered about today, I'll just bore you with more lovey dovey emotions i have. So, before i end this post, i just wanna say before it's too late to say it to her, i love you, with all my heart, take my heart, keep it. It's yours, you can throw it, i don't want it back from you ever. I don't think I'll ever get a chance to say it to her judging by the way things are now, but nevertheless, i got it off my chest now. She may never know and i may never say but now we all know, and she still doesn't know...haha.
HAPPYJUICE!
(I'll have to believe this for now)
Monday, September 1, 2008
WHAT A WICKED GAME TO PLAY GIRL?
today was damn screwed up. I realised my fears have been confirmed, there is another guy. Yepps, there is....another lucky motherfucking bastard who is "tired from running through her mind all day" and he isn't me, she left a name....G*****something. And i'm still smsing her, i love her too god damned much. EVEN NOW. Technically, she hasn't rejected me, i said i love you and she never said anything....dunno what to make of it.
i made a promise to her, i ain't giving up until she tells me to give up, screw off and move on straight and flat on my face. So, Emelia, if ur reading this, u'd be doing me a huge favour if you just rejected me and gave me some closure. If there is another guy in your heart that is. Cuz I'm a man of my word and i intend to keep my promise to you. Just know, I love you and i always will. I don't care what happens, i love you, the rest i can live with. You can always come to me for a shoulder to cry on anything else. I'll be here.
I realised that being a nice guy never pays off. Being me never pays off. For some reason, many girls just don't like nice guys. Ladida for me huh. I Have only one song to dedicate to Emelia, yes honey you. Wicked game by H.I.M. Go check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WA2jBMk-Pk check it out.
I really am heart broken today. I have no idea what to write about, i can't seem to feel anything more than the pain i feel now, it's eaten a hole out of my chest, leaving a huge void there only my emotional counterpart can fill, you can fill.
My day today was filled with lots of questions today. Why being the most part of these questions. ahh, HECK. i am too hurt to blog, my emotions are in the pits now, I'll let them burn. I'll blog about something more happy some other time.
I just wanna thank some people here, now. For all the emotional support and advice they have given me, thanks dudes and dudettes, Shariah, aj, Matthew and Gerard. i really appreciate it.
Between now and then, until i see you again, I'll be loving you. Love, me.
HAPPYJUICE!
(you have no idea how hard I'm working to put up a smile and not cry)
i made a promise to her, i ain't giving up until she tells me to give up, screw off and move on straight and flat on my face. So, Emelia, if ur reading this, u'd be doing me a huge favour if you just rejected me and gave me some closure. If there is another guy in your heart that is. Cuz I'm a man of my word and i intend to keep my promise to you. Just know, I love you and i always will. I don't care what happens, i love you, the rest i can live with. You can always come to me for a shoulder to cry on anything else. I'll be here.
I realised that being a nice guy never pays off. Being me never pays off. For some reason, many girls just don't like nice guys. Ladida for me huh. I Have only one song to dedicate to Emelia, yes honey you. Wicked game by H.I.M. Go check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WA2jBMk-Pk check it out.
I really am heart broken today. I have no idea what to write about, i can't seem to feel anything more than the pain i feel now, it's eaten a hole out of my chest, leaving a huge void there only my emotional counterpart can fill, you can fill.
My day today was filled with lots of questions today. Why being the most part of these questions. ahh, HECK. i am too hurt to blog, my emotions are in the pits now, I'll let them burn. I'll blog about something more happy some other time.
I just wanna thank some people here, now. For all the emotional support and advice they have given me, thanks dudes and dudettes, Shariah, aj, Matthew and Gerard. i really appreciate it.
Between now and then, until i see you again, I'll be loving you. Love, me.
HAPPYJUICE!
(you have no idea how hard I'm working to put up a smile and not cry)
Sunday, August 31, 2008
if it swims, we have it!
Well, today was miserable for the most part of the day. The only good thing that happened today was the in promptu meeting for dinner with my best friend,AJ.
Basically, we went out without a plan and figured we were hungry and nothing said "i'll sate your hunger" quite like Carl's junior did. Yep, we went to Carl's junior, and we ordered like a HUGE meal, up sized. The more interesting part, apart from the meal, was the conversation e had on the way there. We hiked to the outlet at the old big splash and had a very good conversation. We spent a good amount of time talking about next year and how we'd miss everyone and the school and the times we spent together. After that, this Soviet looking dude just walked up to us b the beach and asked us for like 5 bucks for his dinner....wtf? we don't even know the dude. Anyway, at the food joint, the place was packed to the brim, literally. So, we bought our food and went to the last floor of big splash to devour our succulent meals. We barely spoke during the meal, our mouths were full the whole time. FRIES-BURGER-DRINK-REPEAT. haha, after that, on the way back, we sat across the street at a bus stop opposite the seafood place around the corner from Carl's junior and we saw this sign-if it swims, we have it-we laughed till we were on the brink of puking the contents of our now way beyond full stomach-sperms for dinner?LOL. And AJ came up with this song when we saw a really hot chick on the bus, she was so hot, watching her was like an equivalence of watching porn. "she got the boobs, the rack, i got the cock, we gotta fuck." in a really whiny kinda rap tone. damn funny. On the way back, my dad picked us up from east coast. In the car, they spent the whole time like insulting Emelia and me, calling me her bitch.....yaaadaahyaadahyaadah. Not changing the way i feel about her guys-.-
Anyway, about her........well, i really don't know what to think, or feel. all know is i love her. What she feels, i don't know, is she through with me? am i rejected? i don't know, i spoke to her friend and she told me to move on, and gotta admit, that really hurt. I don't want to move on, i love her. Maybe i will get hurt but i don't mind if it's her hurting me. To me, she is worth it. I made a promise to her, i will not give up until she tells me to move on in the face. After the cruel charade I've had with her, it still put a smile on my face, put a warm blanket around my heart when i received a message from her just now, guess i can' help it, i love her too god damned much.
Anyway, i really have no idea what to do now, guess I'll just have to wait. From earlier experiences i know these things work themselves out in time and time also heals most wounds. I'll always be there for her, she knows that, that's all that matters. Guess nice guys do tend to to stick around longer...haha. And to those of you who give me advice and options, thanks guys, i know you do it out of care and concern but, i guess I'll let the matter rest for now. It isn't that easy just stop loving someone, not anyone, that someone, my someone.
that's all for now, I'll blog more tmrw.
notsoHAPPYJUICE!
Basically, we went out without a plan and figured we were hungry and nothing said "i'll sate your hunger" quite like Carl's junior did. Yep, we went to Carl's junior, and we ordered like a HUGE meal, up sized. The more interesting part, apart from the meal, was the conversation e had on the way there. We hiked to the outlet at the old big splash and had a very good conversation. We spent a good amount of time talking about next year and how we'd miss everyone and the school and the times we spent together. After that, this Soviet looking dude just walked up to us b the beach and asked us for like 5 bucks for his dinner....wtf? we don't even know the dude. Anyway, at the food joint, the place was packed to the brim, literally. So, we bought our food and went to the last floor of big splash to devour our succulent meals. We barely spoke during the meal, our mouths were full the whole time. FRIES-BURGER-DRINK-REPEAT. haha, after that, on the way back, we sat across the street at a bus stop opposite the seafood place around the corner from Carl's junior and we saw this sign-if it swims, we have it-we laughed till we were on the brink of puking the contents of our now way beyond full stomach-sperms for dinner?LOL. And AJ came up with this song when we saw a really hot chick on the bus, she was so hot, watching her was like an equivalence of watching porn. "she got the boobs, the rack, i got the cock, we gotta fuck." in a really whiny kinda rap tone. damn funny. On the way back, my dad picked us up from east coast. In the car, they spent the whole time like insulting Emelia and me, calling me her bitch.....yaaadaahyaadahyaadah. Not changing the way i feel about her guys-.-
Anyway, about her........well, i really don't know what to think, or feel. all know is i love her. What she feels, i don't know, is she through with me? am i rejected? i don't know, i spoke to her friend and she told me to move on, and gotta admit, that really hurt. I don't want to move on, i love her. Maybe i will get hurt but i don't mind if it's her hurting me. To me, she is worth it. I made a promise to her, i will not give up until she tells me to move on in the face. After the cruel charade I've had with her, it still put a smile on my face, put a warm blanket around my heart when i received a message from her just now, guess i can' help it, i love her too god damned much.
Anyway, i really have no idea what to do now, guess I'll just have to wait. From earlier experiences i know these things work themselves out in time and time also heals most wounds. I'll always be there for her, she knows that, that's all that matters. Guess nice guys do tend to to stick around longer...haha. And to those of you who give me advice and options, thanks guys, i know you do it out of care and concern but, i guess I'll let the matter rest for now. It isn't that easy just stop loving someone, not anyone, that someone, my someone.
that's all for now, I'll blog more tmrw.
notsoHAPPYJUICE!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
never thought not having you here now would hurt so much
hey hey hey!!!been a while since i last blogged man.well, anyways, alot going on lately. Girls, exams, personal developments......etc. On to report them all.
Firstly, kinda messed my head up by falling into what i would is presume is love, if it was 2 sided. Humph, i met her at the carnival by the canal st pats had in joint partnership with katong convent. Yep, u heard right people, shes from kc. And since then, I've quite literally been blinded by her and my emotions for her, gotta admit, i like the feeling of having someone to invest my feelings on, HER. But, as i was brooding earlier, i can't help but feel that this thing i believe we have is one sided. I mean, i don't mean to put her on the spot or anything, but i just would like to know if she's just leading me on, and it gets so hard to ask her these things because she claims she's shy and well, words sometimes are guilty for failing me whenever i think of her. She practically prefers to communicate with me through her friends. It just sucks and rocks at the same time, it's more twisted than my freaking guts.......love; annihilation.
Moving on to something more fun and less depressing, the more important papers of my prelims are over and i have been hanging put with the guys alot, like Friday last week, the guys practically got drunk, and we like played ice and water at a playground nearby Husain's house. After that, we went to Mandarin gardens-courtesy of Matthew-and played tennis. After that, AJ and i went back to school and waited for....her....then, Thursday this week, after school, the whole gang of us went to parkway. Challenger to be exact and played fifa pro street 3 on 360 and call of duty 4 on comp. then we went to popular and ran into well, first her, then another good friend of mine, Shariah. After that, went back to school with AJ, ran into Alexus and we played pool at the cove, i owned aj's ass, 5-2. YEAH! Friday-partied at school, played guitar then went to Mandarin gardens again-thanks matt-played street soccer, and went swimming after that. That night, went out with my dad to takashimaya, damn funny, 3 guys who absolutely hate shopping trying to find particular things in a mall the size of freaking china. And today, went to funan and bought this new PC. Might go out for a movie or something next week.....dunno yet, depends.
Hmm, oh yeah, i also managed to talk to another one of my friends about my screwed up relationships, that really helped me alot, i dunno if she reads my blog but, thanks Nisha, really helped to talk to someone about it, you helped more than you think you did. She gave me good advice on how i should just clear things out with....her....and well, i guess i will, as soon as she stops ignoring me.
Hmm, i thought about alot of things over the last couple of months that i can't quite put my finger on now. I guess I'll let you guys know more about it when i can, i have a computer now so i'm guessing i'll blog more often, like every week or something.
Next week is a holiday and frankly, time to pull my already high socks a wee bit higher, just till it loses it's elasticity. I need to take a break man, i'll mugg but i'll also go out more often, just to hang and have fun. Life's way too short to spend just mugging.
Well, till next time, or week, bye.
HAPPYJUICE
(though i'm kinda confused now, emelia, you'd know why)
Firstly, kinda messed my head up by falling into what i would is presume is love, if it was 2 sided. Humph, i met her at the carnival by the canal st pats had in joint partnership with katong convent. Yep, u heard right people, shes from kc. And since then, I've quite literally been blinded by her and my emotions for her, gotta admit, i like the feeling of having someone to invest my feelings on, HER. But, as i was brooding earlier, i can't help but feel that this thing i believe we have is one sided. I mean, i don't mean to put her on the spot or anything, but i just would like to know if she's just leading me on, and it gets so hard to ask her these things because she claims she's shy and well, words sometimes are guilty for failing me whenever i think of her. She practically prefers to communicate with me through her friends. It just sucks and rocks at the same time, it's more twisted than my freaking guts.......love; annihilation.
Moving on to something more fun and less depressing, the more important papers of my prelims are over and i have been hanging put with the guys alot, like Friday last week, the guys practically got drunk, and we like played ice and water at a playground nearby Husain's house. After that, we went to Mandarin gardens-courtesy of Matthew-and played tennis. After that, AJ and i went back to school and waited for....her....then, Thursday this week, after school, the whole gang of us went to parkway. Challenger to be exact and played fifa pro street 3 on 360 and call of duty 4 on comp. then we went to popular and ran into well, first her, then another good friend of mine, Shariah. After that, went back to school with AJ, ran into Alexus and we played pool at the cove, i owned aj's ass, 5-2. YEAH! Friday-partied at school, played guitar then went to Mandarin gardens again-thanks matt-played street soccer, and went swimming after that. That night, went out with my dad to takashimaya, damn funny, 3 guys who absolutely hate shopping trying to find particular things in a mall the size of freaking china. And today, went to funan and bought this new PC. Might go out for a movie or something next week.....dunno yet, depends.
Hmm, oh yeah, i also managed to talk to another one of my friends about my screwed up relationships, that really helped me alot, i dunno if she reads my blog but, thanks Nisha, really helped to talk to someone about it, you helped more than you think you did. She gave me good advice on how i should just clear things out with....her....and well, i guess i will, as soon as she stops ignoring me.
Hmm, i thought about alot of things over the last couple of months that i can't quite put my finger on now. I guess I'll let you guys know more about it when i can, i have a computer now so i'm guessing i'll blog more often, like every week or something.
Next week is a holiday and frankly, time to pull my already high socks a wee bit higher, just till it loses it's elasticity. I need to take a break man, i'll mugg but i'll also go out more often, just to hang and have fun. Life's way too short to spend just mugging.
Well, till next time, or week, bye.
HAPPYJUICE
(though i'm kinda confused now, emelia, you'd know why)
Friday, July 11, 2008
city lit by fireflies, they're advertising in the skies for people like US
Hey ho, decided to blog again today. Lately, nothing really interesting has been going on in my life i decided to blog anyway to throw my thoughts for the past week on my blog. Having gcp everyday until like 5 plus....get home and have to study again.....shit...
On the brighter side, i managed to get the book eclipse this week, i got it from one of them rajeevan's sister's friend. The book is a hell lot more interesting than new moon, particularly because i got to read more on Edward. However, i hate that Jacob has to get more and more hurt--seeing as to i can sympathise most with him...I also seem to be marvelled by the fact that Edward and Bella really are in love despite all odds against them.
Moving on, i pondered alot about stuff over this week....the bulk of it on love--for those of you who know me well enough, u know what i mean. I also began wondering why the heck my mom seems to want to keep me out of any relationship with any special person until she dies....this sucks. I've really grown to like this special someone over the course of time I've liked her, to a point that i don't even look at other girls desiringly....the best part, this person hasn't the slightest idea of my feelings for her. She's probably gonna read this blog and not know who the hell i am talking about....O well, even if she asked me who, I'd probably not tell her....Such a coward i am....I guess i might as well do what i was told--advice from a girl herself...wait....patience is a virtue....when I'm ready(this was a month back...i quarrelled with my mom when i told her that i like this girl and no matter what she did, i ain't gonna cave to her demands, i stood alone...ALL alone.
The good thing about this week is, i managed to talk about my inner feelings with someone who surprisingly didn't call me a hobo...gotta say, it felt good, to talk about my feelings proud and unafraid...also got some good advice from this person. I really liked that.
Oh wells, library's about to close soon, i gtg now...till next time...bb
HAPPYJUICE!
(this is the truth, this week made me happy--really)
On the brighter side, i managed to get the book eclipse this week, i got it from one of them rajeevan's sister's friend. The book is a hell lot more interesting than new moon, particularly because i got to read more on Edward. However, i hate that Jacob has to get more and more hurt--seeing as to i can sympathise most with him...I also seem to be marvelled by the fact that Edward and Bella really are in love despite all odds against them.
Moving on, i pondered alot about stuff over this week....the bulk of it on love--for those of you who know me well enough, u know what i mean. I also began wondering why the heck my mom seems to want to keep me out of any relationship with any special person until she dies....this sucks. I've really grown to like this special someone over the course of time I've liked her, to a point that i don't even look at other girls desiringly....the best part, this person hasn't the slightest idea of my feelings for her. She's probably gonna read this blog and not know who the hell i am talking about....O well, even if she asked me who, I'd probably not tell her....Such a coward i am....I guess i might as well do what i was told--advice from a girl herself...wait....patience is a virtue....when I'm ready(this was a month back...i quarrelled with my mom when i told her that i like this girl and no matter what she did, i ain't gonna cave to her demands, i stood alone...ALL alone.
The good thing about this week is, i managed to talk about my inner feelings with someone who surprisingly didn't call me a hobo...gotta say, it felt good, to talk about my feelings proud and unafraid...also got some good advice from this person. I really liked that.
Oh wells, library's about to close soon, i gtg now...till next time...bb
HAPPYJUICE!
(this is the truth, this week made me happy--really)
Saturday, July 5, 2008
the more i see the less i know
So it's been a while--a damn long while--since i last blogged. Lots of shit happened in that time, for one, i broke my guitar, and of course got a new one. Went for NCDCC camp, got into alot of trouble, and made closer relations with a couple of friends.
I realised how a friend of mine completely hates herself for a no good reason, not that there really is any good reason for one to hate herself. I tried to explain that to her and then, it came to my attention that i should just take the time to look into her eyes and see, see her sorrow. Then i thought to myself, in this ever changing maglev train we call a world, in this mundane and vicious cycle of events in which we are trapped in; with the excuse of it being called our life, no one actually cares for anyone else. We never take the time to think about someone else, and want to put a smile on any ones face. We are too preoccupied with ourselves-correction-We choose to be preoccupied with our lives, well aware of our lives being quite stagnant and well, not anything fancy to be preoccupied with. Hence, from now on, i am gonna do what ever it takes to put a smile on the faces of everyone i care about. I'll take the first step to genuinely give a crap about others, to do something to make ppl happy, even if it doesn't last, as long as they smile when they're with me.
Got into the habit of reading, decided to begin the habit by reading the twilight series-by recommendations by a couple of friends. However, i am currently unable to read the entire series, the fourth book isn't out yet and the third book is on loan in every library I've been to, the school library doesn't have the book on their catalogue either. The book is actually pretty damn interesting, i read the first 2 books in under 4 days, and right now, i still am captivated by the story. There is one particular situation which i can relate to very well--the situation Jacob black is in, loving bella and hauntingly aware that bella only wants a friendship and even if she wanted more than that, that relationship would be not workable, not feasible....this girl i like,...well, i don't think she is inters ted in a relationship, well at least not with me.
Anyways
I got alot of studying to do over the next 4 months, after that.......my imagination takes over. FUN.......to the highest level available. No more held back fun, whole hearted fun, i can afford to break a couple of bones, perhaps lose my sanity to the zenith of fun I'll be captured by will in. However, until the fun strikes, I'll have to slave in the fields of education to end the rapture of the O's.
Oh wells, thats all for now.
WHERE IS THE LOVE PEOPLE?
I realised how a friend of mine completely hates herself for a no good reason, not that there really is any good reason for one to hate herself. I tried to explain that to her and then, it came to my attention that i should just take the time to look into her eyes and see, see her sorrow. Then i thought to myself, in this ever changing maglev train we call a world, in this mundane and vicious cycle of events in which we are trapped in; with the excuse of it being called our life, no one actually cares for anyone else. We never take the time to think about someone else, and want to put a smile on any ones face. We are too preoccupied with ourselves-correction-We choose to be preoccupied with our lives, well aware of our lives being quite stagnant and well, not anything fancy to be preoccupied with. Hence, from now on, i am gonna do what ever it takes to put a smile on the faces of everyone i care about. I'll take the first step to genuinely give a crap about others, to do something to make ppl happy, even if it doesn't last, as long as they smile when they're with me.
Got into the habit of reading, decided to begin the habit by reading the twilight series-by recommendations by a couple of friends. However, i am currently unable to read the entire series, the fourth book isn't out yet and the third book is on loan in every library I've been to, the school library doesn't have the book on their catalogue either. The book is actually pretty damn interesting, i read the first 2 books in under 4 days, and right now, i still am captivated by the story. There is one particular situation which i can relate to very well--the situation Jacob black is in, loving bella and hauntingly aware that bella only wants a friendship and even if she wanted more than that, that relationship would be not workable, not feasible....this girl i like,...well, i don't think she is inters ted in a relationship, well at least not with me.
Anyways
I got alot of studying to do over the next 4 months, after that.......my imagination takes over. FUN.......to the highest level available. No more held back fun, whole hearted fun, i can afford to break a couple of bones, perhaps lose my sanity to the zenith of fun I'll be captured by will in. However, until the fun strikes, I'll have to slave in the fields of education to end the rapture of the O's.
Oh wells, thats all for now.
WHERE IS THE LOVE PEOPLE?
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